Thursday, 28 February 2013

Authenticity, Commitment and The Blog

You won't normally find grand statements or opinions expressed here. This is a place where I want to find positive connections between myself and what I'm doing. For that to happen, I want to strip this platform of any inclination to preach, complain or boast. And I want it to honestly illustrate my attempts at a more authentic life, including the failures and bugger-ups.

When I talk about authenticity, I mean the real me--the timid, terrified, self-conscious child the woman struggling with confidence that resides within. I mean the kitchen that needs swept, the baby that needs a bath, the supper I've made 100 times that suddenly doesn't turn out. I am no expert on any of the topics I've written about. I've got no discernible talent at all, really. I forget when to use an apostrophe and I take most of my pictures with my phone because it's one step closer than the camera. But yet I choose to write a blog.

This blog has already forced me to ask myself: how committed am I to keeping our home/ lifestyle/ choices environmentally friendly? The reality is it is often less expensive to chose less environmentally friendly options. In the short term it is tempting to save the money and commit to doing it "later". We have had to go with power and natural gas since solar and geothermal would add upwards of $55,000 CD to our mortgage. Cost is a very real barrier to making major lifestyle changes that we would otherwise make. As I find rebates and grants I will provide links and information. As it is, the geothermal grant ends this month and the shelterbelt program, after 111 years, has been discontinued by the Harper Government. Discouraging, really.

It is easy to write a post about what we want to do. It is quite another to go about doing it. So I'm using this blog to keep me honest. I tidy a couple feet of counter top in order to take pictures for the blog. It's tempting to come across like my whole house is spotless but it isn't--not usually--especially when I'm taking time to write and take pictures. My recipes are not the best ones out there, they are the best ones I have. I have felt inadequate a million times before realizing that a craft or recipe or flowerbed or home has been prepared and displayed on blogs and websites (read: pinterest!) to look its very best. It's like the burger in the commercial that has had the cheese melted and ketchup placed just so. But when you go to the drive-thru and some kid tosses it in the bag without so much as a hello, goodbye, or go screw yourself acknowledgement of any kind, there's your real life. There's your authentic. I'm not saying real life can't be beautiful and touching, I'm just saying I (and this blog) won't just be showing what turned out. Sometimes you learn more from what doesn't turn out--this site is about the learning.

I'm done now, I have to go make supper. I'm putting it out there for myself to remember: keep trying to do better, forgive yourself when you don't, and then try again. And blog about it.