Friday, 27 February 2015

The Truth Is....

The truth is...

I spent more on groceries in February than I did in January, in spite of my attempts to reduce by at least 10%. The truth is...

I justified some "special" purchases as they were for O's 3rd birthday and Easter, all a good deal, all sensible purchases. But if we were in a situation where Husband was out of work and we were living on a very fixed amount/month, the truth is I would not have been able to buy extra chocolate and some story books for my kids.

The truth is, I haven't gotten around to doing a menu plan for this week. There have been several deaths in our community and the truth is...I haven't felt motivated or that my little organizing and budgeting adventures matter, at all, in the grand scheme of things.

The truth is, a childhood friend--we grew up together and were roommates when she was pregnant and had her first baby--has said goodbye to her daughter this week. Cystic Fibrosis, killer of the young--I remember being told that diagnosis shortly after getting my own place to live. Through tears, 18 years ago, my friend and I agreed that so many advances would be made in research and treatment in her daughter's lifetime that surely it would not be the life sentence it seemed. We had health problems ourselves last year, a scary time and one where I allowed my imagination to run wild and I felt fear--paralyzing fear--for the first time in my life. The truth is, that is what that family lived with for 18 years...every milestone bittersweet, plans for the future always overshadowed by reality. The truth is, nobody can know what that is like unless they have lived it. And now that her short life is over, no one can know what it is like to keep going until they have had to do it.

But you know what? The truth is, no one knows their future. There are simply no guarantees. If anything can be learned from my friend's daughter's short but wonderful existence...take nothing for granted. Dance while you can. Laugh. Laugh loud. Marvel at the sunset. Hold your children tight, so tight, and be gentle while they grow. Appreciate your family. Be there for your friends when they need you, for you will need them too. Savour the moments when you feel good. When you do not feel good and when there is worry or negativity or drama or fear...STOP...and ask yourself what is really important? How can you I best use the time that I have? What is the best use of my energy? If I knew there was limited time, how would I be reacting? Most of life's trivialities would not matter. The things that really matter become very clear: people over things, relationships that make us happy--move beyond the ones that don't, experiences and joy and laughter--none of which need to cost money--time, sweet time together. These are the things that matter. If we knew our time was up, wouldn't we all wish for more of these things? Wouldn't we wish we had never wasted time worrying about what people think?



The truth is, it has taken me a few days to get my game face on. It can be hard to visit the grieving, but it is always the right thing to do. I want to be the friend that I would need if the situation was reversed. I'll get back to budgeting and menu-planning soon (finally jotted down a quick plan for the next couple days) but for now, I have a couple cute little boys that are playing with sleeping bags on the living room floor. I must go camping. And try very hard to remember this moment in time forever.

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