Weekly Column: And Baby Makes Three

And baby makes three

For most parents, preparing for your first child is a time of nervous wonder and excitement. All the “firsts,” from the first movements in the womb to your first delivery and baby’s first words and steps, make parenthood a fantastic and awe-inspiring experience.

Beyond all the emotional and hormonal changes happening in your life, you may also notice different pressures and judgements being assigned. Baby gear is a competitive industry and you will be marketed to non-stop as the pregnancy progresses.

From maternity clothes to stretchmark creams, there is no frontier left unexplored by advertisers. Prepare to be bombarded by all the “essential” things you must have to ensure that your child develops and thrives to its highest potential.

And that’s before you’ve even given birth.

Part of your responsibility as the adult caring for a newborn and preparing a child for life is to become a discerning consumer. This begins with being rational about what you actually need and what’s clever marketing. It’s easy to get caught up in the excitement and want to buy every new gadget out there. But, while babies can be expensive, remember they don’t have to be.

Newborns don’t require much and it needn’t all be top of the line merchandise. In fact, much of it can come your way in the form of hand-me-downs or garage sale finds.

Everyone has their own level of tolerance for used items. While some people might happily buy used cloth diapers on kijiji, someone else might shudder at the thought. As a parent, you must always do what you are comfortable with, but do give used baby gear a chance.

Remember that many things will be outgrown before they are used. Additionally, if you have a large extended family, you may be given more than you need without having to purchase much at all. Consider the wealth of experience that surrounds you. Ask relatives and friends that have children what the most essential things are—you might be surprised at the range of answers.

Safety first

Obviously, no amount of money saved is worth putting your child at risk. Car seats expire, so check the date on the bottom before accepting a used seat. Also, if you can’t be sure that the car seat has never been in an accident, don’t take it.

Having a top of the line seat won’t matter much if it isn’t installed properly. Before your due date, search for a car seat clinic near you through the SGI website or book an appointment with a car seat technician at https://www.sgi.sk.ca/online_services/locators/carseattech/index.html

Baby needs a safe place to sleep. While many parents now sleep with their children for the first few months and beyond, if you have a used crib or playpen make sure all of the pieces are intact and that there hasn’t been a safety recall on the product. As well, replace the mattress if it has seen a lot of wear. Too soft of a surface can smother baby.

Baby fashion

The days of the Winnie the Pooh diaper bag are long gone. Baby accessories are now a reflection of the parent’s style, and it can be difficult to keep perspective when you see your friends with all the latest trends. If keeping to a budget is important and necessary to you, comfort yourself that having the latest fashions does not reflect on the love you have for your child.

There are strollers out there that can attach to a car seat, collapse to fit into the trunk of a car, and go off-road like an all-terrain vehicle. Before making a purchase, consider what you will really be using the stroller for. If short walks to the park predominate, a $30 umbrella stroller might suffice. If jogging through the woods is more your style, the price will be higher. Knowing that, you may want to start watching used websites, garage sales and mommy Facebook pages to snag some great deals.

There are so many opinions about how to raise a child. From cloth or disposable diapers, to breast or formula feeding, to baby’s development, you will likely feel overwhelmed at times.

Keep your wits about you. Advertisers like to make us feel as though we are incapable of raising a child without their products. Those fancy nursing covers used to be called a blanket. Bottle sterilizers were once a pot of boiling water.

Don’t allow the pressure to spend more money detract from this spectacular, once in a lifetime experience.

Make sure your baby is safe and warm. Consult with other parents and respected elders and make decisions based on reality. What you save now will be spent later, believe me, when the hand-me-downs dry up and your child begins playing sports and attending birthday parties. 

Weekly Column: On Living Long, and Wide, and Deep

Living long, and wide, and deep

It’s a popular trend to think that, since we don’t know that we will live long, we should live wide—taking in every experience possible with the motto “you only live once,” or YOLO. But research reveals that simply experiencing thrills and pleasures doesn’t make us truly happy. Maybe it’s time to also experience living deeply…where our consideration for others and making small meaningful sacrifices enriches our experience and brings lasting contentment and gratification.

Two articles in the Atlantic, both by Olga Khazan, discuss why more and more people feel isolated and depressed in today’s society. In “How Loneliness Begets Loneliness” (April 6, 2017) the author states that Americans are “facing an epidemic of loneliness and isolation.” She cites research showing that a lack of social connection can cause significant health problems including depression and anxiety. The statistics in the US and Canada are roughly the same in stating that a quarter of us are lonely.

It is no wonder, then, that 1 in 10 Canadians will suffer a depressive episode in their lifetime. Once you are lonely and depressed it becomes harder to get out and see people, and the spiral deepens. 

In her second article, “Meaningful Activities Protect the Brain from Depression,” (April 21, 2014) Khazan discusses a study of 100 teenagers which found that kids are less vulnerable to depression if they are predisposed to selfless deeds.

Of course, depression is a real medical condition and it can’t be solved by saying “go do selfless deeds, you’ll feel better.” But it is heartening for parents to know that a little action on our part might insulate our children from depression and mental anxiety down the road.

Kahzan describes two kinds of joy. The first is the selfish kind of pleasure found in receiving a gift or purchasing something new. This happiness quickly fades. The second type of joy is the more gratifying feeling of contentment that comes from helping others, doing meaningful work, or “otherwise living a life well lived.” This sense of well-being lasts longer.

In other words, it’s better to give yourself and your kids experiences where you interact meaningfully with each other and the community, rather than worrying about giving them gadgets and vacations. What a relief.

It makes sense that if doing things for others protects young people from depression, the same should be true for the rest of us.

It also makes sense that many of the people that have been uncertain about their income and future over the past few years might have suffered anxiety, depression or isolation as a result. This is bad for your health and hard on your family. It can trickle down to the kids and affect their behaviour and confidence. We have a vested interest in learning to cope with and prevent isolation and depression wherever possible.

Rather than searching for ways to give yourself and your kids the thrills of a Disney vacation, teach them to appreciate the everyday wonders around them. Allow them to be bored and learn to entertain themselves. Teach them that feeling good doesn’t come with a price tag but rather that it takes effort to create a happy life.

Give them opportunities to volunteer and discuss how it made them feel. Show them how other people live and teach them gratitude. Let them feel the rush of bettering someone else’s situation.

Talk about the things that make them feel grateful and inspired, and do more of those. Have them identify what makes them feel unhappy—like seeing other people’s exciting Facebook statuses—and, periodically, have them unplug from it. Remind them that what they see online is not reality.

You only live once. 

The idea that you can only enjoy the high points, the visits to the mountains, the bungee jumping, the gatherings with friends, is an idea that detracts from the rich, everyday miracles of northern lights, a good book, an inspiring conversation.

When you feel stressed at trying to provide your family with an amazing life experience, take heart in knowing that teaching them to have morals, a positive attitude and a good work ethic doesn’t have to cost a dime. Armed with these attributes and a dedication to helping others, hopefully your children will know how to cope with what life throws at them.

It would be nice to provide your children with a worldly upbringing, full of adventure and spontaneity. Preparing for an adulthood that is often hard and mundane is equally as important, though.

Being a provider in an economic downturn is not for the faint of heart. Relax about giving your kids all the vacations and toys that they dream of. Teach them to appreciate life’s small pleasures so that they can recognize joy when they feel it. 

Weekly Column: The Payday Loan Trap

The payday loan trap

 Payday loans are high interest, short-term loans that can be obtained without a credit check. As the name implies, they are advertised as a way for someone with poor credit to obtain fast cash until they can pay it back on pay day. In order to receive a payday loan, you must be 18, have proof of income and a bank account.

Look on any payday loan company’s website and you’ll see how easy it is to get a loan—apply online! approved in 15 minutes! But, as they say, if something seems to good to be true, it probably is.

While a payday loan might get you out of a short-term situation like a car repair or the unexpected cost of a prescription, it’s not a long-term fix for not having enough money.

For example, if you need $300 to cover your bills until payday (typically a two-week loan), that loan will cost you just over $60. For someone who only uses a payday loan as an emergency measure, and doesn’t see emergencies pop up very often, one might think it is okay to pay that $60. But what if you’re paying that $60 in fees every few months?

Rather than looking at payday loans as a back-up plan, start looking at that $60 fee on a $300 loan as money you could save by finding another source of emergency money. If you are tempted to give payday loans a try, first ask yourself if you have exhausted all other alternatives.

Have you visited your bank to inquire about a personal loan, a line of credit or an overdraft? 

Although not free, these options are much more sensible than the over 400 per cent annual interest of most payday loans. Compare even the average credit card’s annual interest at nine to 30 per cent…if you are trying to avoid incurring debt then you can quickly see the dangers of using payday loans and missing a deadline.

No one should ever recommend using a credit card to get you from pay cheque to pay cheque. But if you are able to use it only for essentials and you can pay it off in full every month, you have “borrowed” for free. The thing is, even the lesser of two evils is still evil. How can you get your finances under control without resorting to the risk of a high interest credit card, if you can even get one, or the slippery slope of payday loans?

If you are thinking of taking out a payday loan to pay off your cable and cell phone bill, it is actually cheaper to pay late charges than take out the payday loan. And, if you are that strapped for cash, it’s time to downsize the cell bill and cut the extras like cable, satellite, even internet.

You are actually better off cashing in on your RRSPs or TFSAs, rather than getting tangled up in a spiral of out of control fees on payday loans that you aren’t paying back on time. But this will not help, either, unless you can save a small nest egg for the next time you need money to get you to pay day.

Obviously, the person that has already missed payments and has no savings or access to conventional means of credit is the one most enticed by the no strings appeal of a payday loan. But, should that person be unable to repay on time, she is also the most at risk of being ruined by the payday loan industry.

For the person already caught up in the spiral of payday loans, there is no alternative but to seek out help. Of course, the best advice is don’t let it come down to a payday loan in the first place.

Consider all of your vices and eliminate them along with any unnecessary spending. Get help if you have addictions. Sell things you no longer need and don’t use. Take in a roommate, couch surf if you must. Access the temporary assistance of a church or foodbank, or contact a shelter. Ask for extra hours, look for extra work, and do your best to set aside a bit of emergency money every payday. 

Although it may seem an inconsequential amount of money, that little bit of savings, accumulated, might be what tides you over until payday in an emergency.

Pay day loans exist because there is a need for small, easily accessible, short-term loans. People might’ve had bad experiences with banks or they might not understand what is available through more conventional methods. Before you take the sizable risk of a payday loan, explore every other alternative possible. If it’s too late, get advice at from professionals like Canada’s Credit Counselling Society at nomoredebts.org.

Fairies Welcome

The Easter Bunny brought my boys a few pieces of fairy garden furniture and a gnome and a little solar light each, and some packets of seeds. Now that it has stopped snowing (hopefully!) we have enjoyed a day outside in the pleasant sun.

A pond, of course.
Located next to the cold frames on the south side of our house

The top pond could theoretically overflow into the bottom pond
via the rock stream. I'm afraid the theory vs the reality is
blowing a 5 year old's mind

Fairies welcome, mate!

A spot for tea

The foot bridge

I don't know why, but I've felt somewhat tentative about getting started in the yard this year. It's been raining and snowing for weeks, which is enough to dampen the most enthusiastic of spirits. But I've been battling a case of the overwhelms, already, at the weed control, the unfinished jobs, and, frankly,the dog poo.

But there is something so delightful about imagining a little garden for fairies to visit while we are not looking. The sheer joy the kids have felt at building a little stream and firepit, walkways and a little door, reminded me that I, too, have a magical space for tea and flowers and pretty things and peacefulness. It doesn't have to be perfect, and it won't be. But it's our little spot to do what we want with, and enjoy the sun and summer together.

Weekly Column: Practical Money Skills for All

Practical money skills for all

How many adults say they wish they knew more about, or had done better with, managing their money? Considering few things are more essential to your survival and quality of life for yourself and your family, it’s baffling that people don’t do more to educate themselves on how credit works, understanding investing, or learning to save money and budget more efficiently.

But, maybe you can’t blame people for being overwhelmed or embarrassed by their lack of knowledge. If you didn’t learn budgeting skills while growing up, it can be like someone handing you a skill saw and asking you to build a dresser. Although a basic, vital life skill, it’s not second nature for people to know how to use their money wisely. If you’ve never had a productive conversation about saving and spending, then how can you be expected to make all the right decisions?

Lack of confidence might prevent people from learning to handle money more wisely. Maybe they don’t know where to start and are embarrassed to ask. But there might be more at play than just feeling inadequate.

Apathy is the numb lack of concern borne of feeling that nothing you can do will make a difference.

It’s the feeling of not being interested, and not caring. And if you’ve been in the hole long enough, or were born there, it’s not hard to imagine giving up and expecting nothing better for yourself.

There is much research to suggest that, once a person feels their situation will never change, people give up on trying to save or make wise financial decisions. The $10 meal at McDonald’s becomes the only pleasure you may get in a world of stress and deprivation. So, although $10 worth of groceries might feed you several healthier meals, people opt for the more visceral gratification (in this case, the unhealthy, expensive junk food) first.

In a perfect world, all children would get a proper education that included practical money skills. They would have the math skills to compare prices, understand credit, calculate interest, and the reasoning skills to know when they are being sold a raw deal.

This learning and mindfulness would carry on throughout their lifetimes and they would be able to defend themselves as well as possible against market fluctuations, economic downturns and lifestyle inflation. In a perfect world.

Sadly, parents aren’t always teaching their kids money skills and it’s not something you can leave to the school system. If your kids don’t see you budgeting and saving, why would you expect the school to teach it to them? How applicable is a school lesson on budgeting if little Johnny believes there is always more money to be had? If he doesn’t have chores? If he’s never had to save his money and buy his own gadgets?

It’s as easy as discussing why you buy generic brands at the grocery store. Or saving the recycling money to go to the movies. Conversations about money and value are only one of the ways to teach your kids about budgeting.

It’s never been easier to educate yourself on all sorts of things, money matters included.  The Internet has brought the library to your fingertips, you might say. Pay attention to the sources, and switch your reading habits to learning about saving and budgeting. Include your kids on this educational path.

Although created by Visa, the site www.practicalmoneyskills.ca is a wonderful online resource for families and schools. This site has games for kids to familiarize them with money and saving. There are even complete lesson plans for teachers to use in the classroom.

Be discerning. Ask yourself, is this site trying to sell me anything? Are there hidden obligations or costs to this program? If so, keep looking until you find free, educational resources like practicalmoneyskills.ca or moneymentors.ca to fill in the gaps in your money sense.

Start teaching your kids the important skill of budgeting and comparison shopping. Give them a small allowance and make them save it to buy what they want. They learn far more from saving and delaying gratification, rather than being handed what they want whenever they ask.

Many people do well with their money without much advice. A basic instinct to spend less than what they make and save for a rainy day has helped them through what life throws at them. But what about talk of interest and mortgage rates? Investing and taxes? At what point does the fine print exceed our knowledge, and how willing are we to give up some leisure time to learn more about handling our money?

Many of us need to learn more about finances. Don’t be scared, and don’t feel like your situation will never improve. Dedicate some time to your financial future.

Weekly Column: Rabbits don't lay eggs

Rabbits don’t lay eggs

As Easter approaches, stores have filled up with chocolate eggs and all the holiday paraphernalia that comes with it. Whether it is the $40 stuffed animals or just the sheer amount of chocolate consumed, the whole thing can get excessive and, frankly, the more you give a kid the harder it is to impress them.

On one hand, it makes sense to compare prices and try to get more for your dollar. In other words, shopping online for the treasures and treats that the Easter bunny will deliver, or comparing bulk vs prepackaged chocolate, or making your own desserts rather than buying ready-made. There are many inventive ways to get yourself the same lavish, over-the-top Easter feast that you were used to before the drop in the price of oil.

As parents, it’s hard to scale back spending on birthdays and holidays because you want to give your kids the best you can. Parents might be tempted to do without at other times and still push the boat out on special occasions. And there’s nothing wrong with that.

But, if you’ve been struggling to get back on your feet, is it realistic to keep sacrificing in order to keep up appearances? At what point do you say enough is enough and stop the cycle of spending money you don’t have? And when do you allow your kids to adjust to the truth, rather than hiding it from them and perpetuating unrealistic expectations? Maybe it’s time to accept this as our new normal, and adapt rather than imitate.

Easter is a holiday that, for many, has become less about religion and more about the arrival of spring. To some, it’s nothing more than a week off school and a chance to eat chocolate. There comes a time when we, as parents and grandparents, must decide if we will just go with the flow and allow all our old meaningful holidays to be swept up in the current of consumerism or if we will take a stand against it and stop buying in.

What are your favorite Easter memories from childhood? A visit with grandparents? Possibly a walk through puddles or an Easter egg hunt? Did you travel to see family or did you have relatives stay over? Do you actually remember how much chocolate you received? Does it matter now?

If buying your kids a new super hero themed Easter basket every year, along with a set of fuzzy rabbit ears, a stuffy, a toy, the list goes on, is what Easter means to you, well, to each their own. But if you can’t afford it, maybe it’s time to reconsider the memories you want your children to take with them into adulthood and parenthood themselves.

How about a walk to collect pussy willows in a bouquet? How about a trip to the library (God save ‘em) for some books and a movie which you then read or watch together, never once glancing at your cell phone?

How about your children be in charge of making the meal, or help, with supervision, depending on their age? What will they remember better, that time they made gravy for grandpa? Or the time they scored some new sneakers from the Easter bunny? It’s hard to say, anymore. Maybe kids would hate that and dig in their heels about having to help. All the more reason to make them.

It seems like the more plastic there is involved in a holiday, the more commercial it has become and the further it has drifted from the original reason for celebration. If times are tough under your roof, why not return to some more traditional customs and forego the plastic Easter that has slowly become the norm?

Buy a dozen eggs and some food colouring and dye eggs with your kids. Let them take the lead and pick their colours and designs. Set up a treasure hunt that has challenges and tests skills. Make the focus of this Easter the people, not the stuff.

Let’s become a compassionate society and forego the Facebook and Instagram pictures of all the loot your kids got this Easter. Let’s make it socially unacceptable to splash materialism across social media feeds. Let’s frown on it.

Instead, show pictures of yourself doing things with your kids. Go climbing trees. Play at the park. Let those pictures characterize your timeline. Show off what you have done for others. Instead of showing baskets of chocolate and gifts that you have received, post only images of what you have given to those in need.

People are still hurting. There are kids that won’t get much this Easter, just like they didn’t get much for Christmas. But if they are given time and attention, it might be their most meaningful holiday yet. 

Courage, my word

The Tragically Hip

It's been a significant few weeks for the introverted. I strongly disagree with the budget cuts (extreme cuts that will change the functioning of our little province's library system) that have been made in Saskatchewan. It was, to me, that one issue that might draw me out of the shadows to face my anxiety demons and take a stand and say "not if I can help it".

I've circulated a petition that asks to return funding to the 2016 levels. I've approached people I do and do not know, driven the gravel roads and gone door to door. I don't want to make this sound like too big of a deal, because when it became too much for me I allowed myself to stop. And I only had a few hours to do it. But I got some signatures and I feel that, looking back on this, I will be relieved that I didn't let the opportunity pass.

I also attended the Read In outside our local MLA's office, joined by some friends and family and other concerned library supporters. We were on the news. We will likely be in the paper. All of this is exposure that I dread with every fiber. Naturally it is also a position that puts me at odds with more conservative minded relatives that disagree strongly with my stance. In short, the whole thing stresses me out and has brought to the fore some anxious emotion.

It would be easier to allow this to pass, unmentioned. Courage. It didn't come, it doesn't matter. There have been moments when I really felt the pounding of my heart in my chest and thought, "courage, you couldn't come at a worse time".  But there is never a good time to make uncomfortable decisions and stand up for what you deep down believe in. There is also never a good time to let your values slide. 

This is a song that has taken on such dimension for me in the past weeks. For so many reasons. Read up on Gord Downie and The Tragically Hip if you are unfamiliar. 

I'm sure I'm not done putting myself in uncomfortable places for issues I care about. I'm sure I'm not done feeling like a basket case when I do. But dammit all, there's no simple explanation for anything important any of us do...the human tragedy is living with the consequences (Courage, The Hip).

Weekly Column: For want of a library

There is a proverb that goes something like this:

For want of a nail the shoe was lost.

For want of a shoe the horse was lost.

For want of a horse the rider was lost.

For want of a rider the message was lost.

For want of a message the battle was lost.

For want of a battle the kingdom was lost.

And all for the want of a horseshoe nail.

Around the Lloydminster area, we are familiar with the uncomfortable decisions that come with reducing spending. We get it. When you’re bringing in less money, you have to spend less money. It makes sense, and it’s what this column has been preaching for over a year.

This column has also been preaching that your local library is one of your community’s greatest resources. It is a place of inclusion—anyone can walk in and read a book, borrow a computer, or sit and study. It is a place where those without a phone or the Internet can still access these tools while they apply for jobs, look for childcare, or search for a home.

It is a place where parents bring their kids to get them excited about books and reading. When children borrow books, they learn to respect the property of others, they commit to a deadline and they become aware of the community around them.

In small towns, a library is still a thing of pride—a destination for local families that prioritize reading in their homes. While Saskatchewan’s Minister of Education, Don Morgan, feels that “the future of libraries is leaning towards electronic media,” many parents would agree that there is a decline in children’s behavior and attitudes when they are placed in front of a screen for extended amounts of time.

There is something to be said for reading paper books, which is hard to afford in an economic downturn like we have been experiencing. Yes, balancing budgets is important and worthy, but cutting libraries to this extent is taking resources from the young, the unemployed, and the marginalized people that consider the library a safe place of learning.

Whatever your child grows up to be, limiting their exposure to books now surely limits their reasoning and deductive skills later in life. Sure, they can google what they want to know. And when they do, they will have to discern for themselves what is really true. The Wikipedia page that you or I could update with our own thoughts at any time? The blog or fringe website of someone presenting themselves as an expert? There are plenty of hacks that have been published in print form, but visiting a library and exposing your child and yourself to a multitude of opinions gives you an opportunity to learn together while also becoming critical thinkers. Let’s not leave this kind of instruction up to our kids, alone on the Internet.

Perhaps these cuts won’t be the end of small town libraries. That’s hard to imagine, though, with these small main street entities already stripped down to a few hours a week. And that happened during the high-flyin’ fast livin’ days of the oil boom. If things pick up and Government revenues increase, will we ever see these little libraries reopen?

With regional libraries facing a 58% cut to their funding, programs such as interlibrary loans, e-books and literacy programming may be lost. If libraries can’t do kids programming, it’s possible that kids won’t have the same lifelong love of learning and reading. People in need will more easily fall through the cracks. The social costs of these cuts might actually be more expensive for the province and its tax payers in the long-term.

If you are passionate about books and feel libraries are an important resource in our small towns and in Lloydminster, learn more at https://lakelandlibrary.ca/2017budgetcuts. Send a letter or email to MLA Colleen Young, Education Minister Don Morgan and Premiere Brad Wall—their contact info and a petition is provided through the link.

Or join us at noon on April 7^th outside MLA Young’s office by Mary Brown’s on the East side of Lloyd—unit 2-4304 40^th Ave. Bring a library book and express your concern.

Taking away libraries is like stopping buying fresh fruit and vegetables to save money. Sure, you will survive for the indefinite future. But will you be better off? Or would continuing to invest in healthy things now ensure that there aren’t gaps and learning deficits that are more expensive and harder to fix down the road?

Like the proverb cautions, in a budget of billions of dollars, cutting $3.5 million from such a necessary community resource is like neglecting the feet of your horses. What will be lost for want of a library?