Courage, my word

The Tragically Hip

It's been a significant few weeks for the introverted. I strongly disagree with the budget cuts (extreme cuts that will change the functioning of our little province's library system) that have been made in Saskatchewan. It was, to me, that one issue that might draw me out of the shadows to face my anxiety demons and take a stand and say "not if I can help it".

I've circulated a petition that asks to return funding to the 2016 levels. I've approached people I do and do not know, driven the gravel roads and gone door to door. I don't want to make this sound like too big of a deal, because when it became too much for me I allowed myself to stop. And I only had a few hours to do it. But I got some signatures and I feel that, looking back on this, I will be relieved that I didn't let the opportunity pass.

I also attended the Read In outside our local MLA's office, joined by some friends and family and other concerned library supporters. We were on the news. We will likely be in the paper. All of this is exposure that I dread with every fiber. Naturally it is also a position that puts me at odds with more conservative minded relatives that disagree strongly with my stance. In short, the whole thing stresses me out and has brought to the fore some anxious emotion.

It would be easier to allow this to pass, unmentioned. Courage. It didn't come, it doesn't matter. There have been moments when I really felt the pounding of my heart in my chest and thought, "courage, you couldn't come at a worse time".  But there is never a good time to make uncomfortable decisions and stand up for what you deep down believe in. There is also never a good time to let your values slide. 

This is a song that has taken on such dimension for me in the past weeks. For so many reasons. Read up on Gord Downie and The Tragically Hip if you are unfamiliar. 

I'm sure I'm not done putting myself in uncomfortable places for issues I care about. I'm sure I'm not done feeling like a basket case when I do. But dammit all, there's no simple explanation for anything important any of us do...the human tragedy is living with the consequences (Courage, The Hip).

Weekly Column: For want of a library

There is a proverb that goes something like this:

For want of a nail the shoe was lost.

For want of a shoe the horse was lost.

For want of a horse the rider was lost.

For want of a rider the message was lost.

For want of a message the battle was lost.

For want of a battle the kingdom was lost.

And all for the want of a horseshoe nail.

Around the Lloydminster area, we are familiar with the uncomfortable decisions that come with reducing spending. We get it. When you’re bringing in less money, you have to spend less money. It makes sense, and it’s what this column has been preaching for over a year.

This column has also been preaching that your local library is one of your community’s greatest resources. It is a place of inclusion—anyone can walk in and read a book, borrow a computer, or sit and study. It is a place where those without a phone or the Internet can still access these tools while they apply for jobs, look for childcare, or search for a home.

It is a place where parents bring their kids to get them excited about books and reading. When children borrow books, they learn to respect the property of others, they commit to a deadline and they become aware of the community around them.

In small towns, a library is still a thing of pride—a destination for local families that prioritize reading in their homes. While Saskatchewan’s Minister of Education, Don Morgan, feels that “the future of libraries is leaning towards electronic media,” many parents would agree that there is a decline in children’s behavior and attitudes when they are placed in front of a screen for extended amounts of time.

There is something to be said for reading paper books, which is hard to afford in an economic downturn like we have been experiencing. Yes, balancing budgets is important and worthy, but cutting libraries to this extent is taking resources from the young, the unemployed, and the marginalized people that consider the library a safe place of learning.

Whatever your child grows up to be, limiting their exposure to books now surely limits their reasoning and deductive skills later in life. Sure, they can google what they want to know. And when they do, they will have to discern for themselves what is really true. The Wikipedia page that you or I could update with our own thoughts at any time? The blog or fringe website of someone presenting themselves as an expert? There are plenty of hacks that have been published in print form, but visiting a library and exposing your child and yourself to a multitude of opinions gives you an opportunity to learn together while also becoming critical thinkers. Let’s not leave this kind of instruction up to our kids, alone on the Internet.

Perhaps these cuts won’t be the end of small town libraries. That’s hard to imagine, though, with these small main street entities already stripped down to a few hours a week. And that happened during the high-flyin’ fast livin’ days of the oil boom. If things pick up and Government revenues increase, will we ever see these little libraries reopen?

With regional libraries facing a 58% cut to their funding, programs such as interlibrary loans, e-books and literacy programming may be lost. If libraries can’t do kids programming, it’s possible that kids won’t have the same lifelong love of learning and reading. People in need will more easily fall through the cracks. The social costs of these cuts might actually be more expensive for the province and its tax payers in the long-term.

If you are passionate about books and feel libraries are an important resource in our small towns and in Lloydminster, learn more at https://lakelandlibrary.ca/2017budgetcuts. Send a letter or email to MLA Colleen Young, Education Minister Don Morgan and Premiere Brad Wall—their contact info and a petition is provided through the link.

Or join us at noon on April 7^th outside MLA Young’s office by Mary Brown’s on the East side of Lloyd—unit 2-4304 40^th Ave. Bring a library book and express your concern.

Taking away libraries is like stopping buying fresh fruit and vegetables to save money. Sure, you will survive for the indefinite future. But will you be better off? Or would continuing to invest in healthy things now ensure that there aren’t gaps and learning deficits that are more expensive and harder to fix down the road?

Like the proverb cautions, in a budget of billions of dollars, cutting $3.5 million from such a necessary community resource is like neglecting the feet of your horses. What will be lost for want of a library?

On Getting Older, Frugally

SIGH.

There's just a whole lot of gray in my hair these days.

On top of that, the lines under my eyes don't smooth out, no matter what concoction of filler or revitalizer or primer I use. The line that I noticed crossing my forehead in my twenties has deepened and invited a couple of friends to hang out there full time.

Not to mention whiskers.

I don't want to rain on the parades of any pert twenty-somethings that might be reading this, but getting older can be ghastly. I once bragged that, for a gardener, I had no problem with cracked feet like many gardeners that I know. Within a couple months my big toe developed a painful fissure and now I struggle to keep it from getting sore whenever I work outdoors (which is basically all summer). Of course I don't have scientific proof that cracked heels or toes has anything to do with my age, but it's another glaring example of how I feel like everything is changing as I barrel towards approach forty :)

Does this mustache make my nose look big?

When I was pregnant with J I didn't colour my hair, paint my nails, or do anything that involved chemicals. Same with my second pregnancy, with O. After we had J there was really no money. When my last drop of hairspray was gone I didn't buy more. I used up all the last partial bottles of shampoo, conditioner, body wash etc that we had in the back of closets and in the bottom of suitcases. None of my clothes fit. I continued to gain weight after having the baby and, like most new moms, my world was upside down as far as sleep and routine were concerned.

I'm not complaining. Those baby years taught me a lot. For one thing, I was absolutely certain that we would be okay money-wise. I often said that at that stage I wasn't able to earn but I could do my best to save and that I did. We paid off Husband's debts, his dirt bike, his truck. This was while we had bought our very affordable house in a small time and did some updates on it. All the while, I didn't have hairspray and finally I ran out of foundation for my tired looking skin.

And I resented it.

At some point I began to feel that our success at paying off debts was coming out of my own hide, if you will. I actually signed up to sell Avon so that I could get the discount on the products that I wanted. I am still using them (got most of them for free and they've lasted all these years with my infrequent use), although I didn't cut it as a salesperson ;)

Slowly, over a few years, I began to buy a few pieces of clothing and now have a winter and summer wardrobe that, while not flashy or expensive or overly "hip", I am comfortable wearing. My friend dyes my hair in exchange for baking or meals (my mom is also a hairdresser but she's so busy all the time I try not to bother her with one more job). My point, though, is I have found that I am happier when I feel like I've pampered myself a bit or at least paid some attention to how I look. And, as a very frugal person, I think it is important to draw the line when frugality starts to make you unhappy/unappreciated.

As I see myself starting to look older, I have to acknowledge that this is the start of the next phase of my life. Yes, I'm frugal. I buy literally nothing that isn't essential or food. I especially don't buy much for myself, and that is a choice that I no longer resent. Because I have an almond scrub that I use on my face from time to time, and a tube of blue mask that makes my pores look so much better. I moisturize. I exfoliate. I use a toner and a primer and I finally threw away the eye shadow I bought in university (gross, I know).

I guess my point is, you can take care of yourself in a frugal way. I'm sure I will never get a day at the spa and I don't need that to be happy. I'm quite sure spending that much would make me ill. But I CAN do a few little things as part of my routine that make me feel better about myself. The main one is exercise and fresh air. A big one is adult conversation. And I'm finally admitting that trying to look nice makes me feel happier and there has to be a place for that in my frugal routine.

I read blogs where the women wear all thrift-store clothing and have forsaken make-up. Good on 'em. If they still feel beautiful (and believe me, they are!), then by all means I think that is wonderful. I think you need to find your comfort zone. If you are resisting cutting back on spending in one area, question why that is. In my case, I might spend $100-200 on clothes for myself in a year. Other years I might spend $0, yes, $0. This year I bought an $89 winter coat because the one I was wearing is misshapen from 2 pregnancies and I've been wearing it for over 8 years. It's very good quality and very warm (alpaca) so it's still in the closet, but...I felt dowdy. So I bought a new coat. I also got the winter boots I wanted because they were $100 less on a boxing day sale and my old ones were so worn down on the soles I kept wiping out on ice. For some people, having the money to buy new winter gear is something they dream of. I never lose sight of that. I have waited for 8 years to buy a new coat because I really didn't "need" one. This year I bought one because continuing to wear the old one had started to bring me down.

I don't want to resent the sacrifices I make for our financial goals. I also don't want to look tired and wore out.

I shop thrift stores, folks. There's not always something that fits or looks good. You put this body in a summer dress that is 10 years out of style and it is embarrassing. I don't spend much on clothing for myself but, when I do, I make sure it is something I will wear and feel good in. Yes that might be a hand-me-down from a friend or a thrift store find (love it when that happens!). But if I need a piece of clothing I will also watch for sales and shop around until I find what I need. No apologies. That is why I save. I buy absolutely nothing we don't need and I count our pennies. I do this mostly so that we have emergency funds for when Husband is not working (it's somewhat seasonal so there are down times to be expected every year). If times are tight, I am obviously not going to go buy myself something to wear. During those times I can do a home facial, using the drugstore products that I've had for years, and still feel good.

When you live frugally, especially if you are just starting out, it can get to feel like a lot of sacrifice. But a beauty regime is not much different than anything else--the more work you can do yourself, the more you can save. Buy a home waxing kit and skip the salon. Try colouring your own hair or ask your stylist if she works from home. Do your own nails. Go on Pinterest and look up a homemade facial. There are ways to pamper yourself and feel good without spending much. If you let your frugal endeavors steal your sparkle, though, there is a good chance you won't stick with it. Maybe it is better to allow yourself a few treats here and there and stick with the overall goal.

What is your opinion? Do you think it's okay to splurge a little, when the money is available of course, to feel better? And, if so, what is it that makes you feel better? Notebooks? Nice pens? A book to read? A new hairstyle? Coffee out? I'm interested!

On the Homefront

We are slowly adjusting to "real life" after the haze of Christmas holidays. I really crave my routine when it is upset by things like holidays and vacations. Although the rest and visiting is great, I can't help but allow my diet and exercise to eventually slide. I did much better this year than most. Through it all I managed most evenings to do at least 10 minutes on the elliptical trainer to combat the bloat. At many of the potluck and family meals I was able to fill my plate half full with vegetables. It really did help prevent my feeling lousy and gaining a bunch of weight (3 lbs at last check).

I am slow to get a budget done. My mind is full of ideas and happy intentions but I feel like there won't actually be time to do any fancy spreadsheets or write a great post about it. Basically, the plan is pay off the camper by end of summer.

When the camper is paid off, the monthly over payments will be applied to the new truck until it is paid off. Then, the mortgage. Being mortgage free would mean we can relax and Husband doesn't have to travel far and wide working. We could afford for him to have a lower paying, local job and be home every night and do normal things like coach hockey and ball and get groceries for me ;) I could work, too, and with a double income (though probably still lower than what he makes now) we could still live comfortably and save for a decent if not adventurous retirement. These are all the plans that are rolling around in my mind. But first, the camper.

Husband has a company and I pay him out of the company account. I try to maintain the company account balance at a certain amount which includes several months worth of company expenses (money for taxes, insurances, truck payments) plus several months pay for him personally. Of course, if he is off work for any amount of time the money very quickly depletes and we revert to what I call a bare-bones budget. After years and years of doing this I don't lose sleep (as often) and I have learned to have faith that we will always get by one way or the other. I recognize that not everyone is so lucky and I can empathize with the stress they must be under. While it might sound good to have "several months" saved up, it is my goal to have a year's worth of money saved, both for ourselves and the company. An accessible way for us to save, personally, is to consistently move money into our Tax-Free Savings Accounts (a financial goal from last year was to get Husband set up with a TFSA, which I did).

Because the company is taxed at a much lower rate than we are personally, it makes more sense to leave as much money as possible in the company account and invest it from there (corporate investment account). One of my financial goals last year was to set up a corporate investment account that I could move money into when it felt safe to do so. I am very proud to say that I managed two such payments of a decent size last year.

So to clarify what all of this means, I pay Husband as little as possible because as soon as that money comes to him personally he is taxed on it at a rate of 30-35% (guessing). As long as it is in the company account, I can access it if need be but pay lower taxes (possibly around 13%? I'm hopeless with numbers). So rather than paying him lots and letting it sit in our savings account, more money is left untouched in the company account. When it rises above my magic number, I skim that off into the investment account.

Investing money from the company account into the corporate investment account rather than into our own savings and TFSA, RRSPs etc means we save on company taxes and aren't taxed personally at the higher rate. But out of our own personal money we are still contributing to Registered Education Savings Plans for our kids, each of us has RRSPs, plus our own investment portfolios (another goal was having Husband set up with personal investments in 2016. I'm starting to feel like I did pretty good last year!).

So, back to the camper.

My challenge is to hone my household budget down as strictly as possible so that I can still make a number of sizable over payments on our camper without paying Husband more out of the company account (and paying more in tax).

Since I already pay us fairly closely to what our expenses are, there won't be a pile of wiggle room but that is the challenge. Saving on groceries and reducing our discretionary spending, cutting the satellite dish come spring, doing some side jobs personally, all of this will contribute towards our goal of paying the camper off ASAP. Because of the interest. And because I am uncomfortable having more than one loan (besides our mortgage) at a time.

It is important for me to note that from the monthly amount I pay Husband I also need to save for birthdays, Christmas, 2 small vacations, skating and/or hockey as J has declared he wants to try hockey next year. I drive an 8 year old truck which will need replacing eventually. We have property taxes and home insurance due in the spring. Basically, there are a lot of things to save for. Even just writing this out has convinced me to make time to do up a proper budget to keep it all straight.

I do find this all a bit overwhelming. Without steady work we would go from possibly paying something off to, instead, being relieved that we are even able to make regular payments while paying the interest, saving less, and doing without the extras. And that could easily happen. BUT. And this is a huge BUT. Having the singular goal of paying that camper off by the fall of 2017 gives me the incentive to save more. Resist temptation. Eschew splurging on non-essentials. Get creative about making money on the side. Trade. Barter. Borrow.

I think I will leave you now and go sit down with a very sharp pencil and start combing through statements. I am sure that I can find ways to cut our spending and reach our new 2017 goals. I plan to do this by:

1) Menu-planning to save on groceries
2) Reduce fees and service charges if possible
3) Make more money on the side (future post on this subject!)
4) Have No Spending Days Weeks Months
5) Use cash back air miles and PC points to have at least one month's free groceries (put that month's grocery money towards camper)
6) Get very creative planning our family vacations to minimize spending while maximizing fun
7) Purge and sell unnecessary and unwanted belongings
8) Use cash and gift cards that we have on hand
9) Make it do or do without!

Uncertainty

A lot has happened in the last week. In many ways, it doesn't feel like the same world as it was only days ago--but maybe I have changed and the world is the same as it always was. Maybe I just look at it a bit differently now.

A working relationship has turned out to be...not what I expected. Or perhaps my feelings are hurt and I am coming to terms with that happening, at this age, when I didn't know I could still feel so small and young and vulnerable. The relationship will continue, for now at least. It still fulfills a dream. But my eyes are open now, and I will look out for Number One. That said, I am comforted to know that where there is discord there is often growth. What hurts today will give me knowledge and experience tomorrow.

I attended a writer's retreat. I am so very proud of myself for stepping out of my comfort zone and investing in myself. It was an inspiring, emotional and enlightening few days that part of me didn't want to see end. Yes, I missed my family. It was hard to leave. But even as I drove away I knew that it was good for all of us that I give the kids a chance to have time alone with daddy--a "guy's weekend". It was good for them to see (and do) all of the jobs that I carry out in a day to make their lives run smoothly. It was good for them to work together in the yard and go to town and spend every waking minute together.

It was very beneficial for me to retreat from the world for a few days after seeing Trump elected president. I don't want to talk politics here; I am not knowledgeable enough to argue and it's just too raw and personal. It's hard, though, to respect friends and family that can overlook his blatant hatefulness with the rationale that he might somehow help our economy here in Canada. If he doesn't manage to blow the world up first, that is. It's just gross. I can't talk about it.

So the timing of the retreat was perfect, as were the setting and the participants. Our facilitator spoke about uncertainty, both in terms of the election and the world and in terms of our feelings as emerging writers. How not to allow our uncertainty (of our talents and abilities and of where our stories might lead) to hamper our pursuit of the creative life. Our work might not be polished and professional yet, but it is ours and we should embrace that. The writers that I spent the weekend with shared some quotes that helped put all of this into perspective and I thought I would share them here, as well.

The Real Work

It may be that when we no longer know what to do

we have come to our real work,

and that when we no longer know which way to go

we have come to our real journey.

The mind that is not baffled is not employed.

The impeded stream is the one that sings.

by Wendell Berry, from Collected Poems, 1987

We heard of the death of Leonard Cohen, also, while on retreat. It was an interesting setting in which to contemplate the life and death of someone so masterful at putting feelings and observations into words.

"Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack, a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in"  --Leonard Cohen

If there is one thing that I have learned it is that I may not be able to control the reality happening around me but I can control my reaction to it. I can combat hate with love, impatience with understanding, fear with tolerance. Although it feels helpless right now, the path to take will reveal itself in time. What I take away from this past week, the good and the bad of it, is that we cannot be comfortable all the time. We won't always have work and life go our way. Plans and elections might go completely south. It is okay to be uncertain, and live in uncertain times. Great action and inspiring
relationships are born out of uncertainty.

"We are prone to fear. The world is a mass of confusion. Traditions are ridiculed. Mythologies are forgotten. True freedom is a curse. Natural disasters are unnaturally common. Celebrities have replaced heroes. Ideals have been replaced by images. Many are running scared and only too willing to embrace the forces that offer a respite from the winds of change. What can we believe in? God, country, ourselves? What can we be certain about? Death, decay, oppression? What are we willing to risk, defend, support and dream? What would we like to be certain of: life span, love life, finances, and security? Can we gain anything without giving something up? Is there faith without risk? If you knew without question what was going to happen next, would there be any real satisfaction in it happening? The greater the risk, the greater the faith. Embracing uncertainty is to say yes to life: to say yes to the death and destruction, the success and failure, the tragedy and the triumph. Lord Byron said that the great art of life is sensation, to feel that we exist, even in pain. The beauty of uncertainty is that it allows us to overcome our fear. It allows us to take risks so we can experience faith. A life without uncertainty is the end of the imagination; the death of the imagined; the negation of faith." -- Brian Hendricks, The Beauty Of Uncertainty 

A Few Random Thoughts

It feels like we have been quite busy. It's odd, because I quite often get a mid summer sense of "what's all the fuss about?" and am lulled into thinking I can handle the workload of an entire acreage, two kids, garden, sheep, chickens and pigs all by myself. This cockiness returns every year, you see, and once I've forgotten the frantic rush to get ready for winter, to bring in wood, put the garden to bed, tidy the garage and clean the house...it becomes February and I feel like there's nothing to do and by spring I am rarin' to go on a new venture or a bigger garden or a new rock wall....well, you see where this is going. Twice a year I fool myself into thinking I can do everything that needs done, and twice a year I fail, then forget, then do it all over again.

This year is different in that I have a 6 year old in school every day. Oh, how this has changed my life! I feel like I can do anything with just one little helper plodding along behind me. It's the lack of fighting, see. With only one boy here during the day he chatters my ear off and it exhausts me, but it is ever so different than listening to kids fight. Oh, so different!

We are out and about more, and this tires me. I have always liked to be alone. So being at the skating rink twice a week and helping at the school once a week has me very much all chatted out. I am also taking in two sweet little boys on a very part time basis! This will give poor little O something to do as he is very lonely without J most days. He's excited, and I'm happy for him. So this also gives us a couple of busy mornings per week and gives me some incentive to be more organized with my time.

The pigs. Oh, the pigs. They are growing nicely but I am the first to admit I didn't realize what I was getting into. I've been working my way through my mom's garden plus a couple aunt's and my neighbours. It all helps so much but three pigs eat. so. much. If you ever consider fattening pigs, arrange to get the wasted food from a bakery, grocery store or restaurant first. If I can ever secure a food source like that I might try pigs again. I plan to leave the pen as-is for future consideration. But I tell you, without a grain bin here and a way to haul and roll my own grain, it has been a lot of work to bring big tubs of grain from my parent's farm and keep these pigs happy. The whole other issue is going to be loading them. I need to build a ramp and the whole thing just stresses me out. My eye has been twitching for a week.

Husband has been away since July and we are all weary of this. Last night J pinned it all on me, and I can actually understand how he might think I am happy daddy is away. For one, I outright refuse to complain that my man is off making oodles of money while the whole area has ground to a halt and families have faced outrageously stressful decisions over the last two years. I try to keep my conversations grateful and optimistic in front of the kids. So maybe from that they are getting the sense that as long as there's money coming in, mom is happy. And in one way that is true, sorry to say. We are quite accustomed to there being a month or two (or three!) every year where there is simply no income. For that reason I am a saver and a planner and every day of work is a blessing that gives us stability.

That said, I am tuckered right out with single parenting and keeping up to the pigs and running the house. I very much need a break. It doesn't help that I now have the cold that my kids suffered with for a week. I am also coming off a more social than usual weekend, so I'm contemplating going and hiding under the bed rather than going door to door tonight asking for treats with my kids. There really are days that I wish I could phone it in. On the other hand, I am being self-indulgent and just wish Husband was here to do some heavy lifting. I know he wishes he was too.

On the bright side, we have been slowly cleaning each room in the house. I feel much better doing it now. I normally leave it until February thinking that it will give me something to do in my least favorite month of the year. But being tasked with one of my least favorite jobs at my least favorite times has not been working out that well. I feel happy seeing neat and tidy rooms (upstairs, at least. Somehow the main floor is getting increasingly cluttered as I clean!) and I know that our busier schedule is going to pull me through the winter months. The other moms at skating are very friendly and welcoming and it is, so far, a refreshing hour for me on both Mondays and Wednesdays. So, it appears, my little family is growing up and we now have to set foot out in the real world. I am doing my best and enjoying it so far. The introvert in me very much needs to regroup quietly, so I am planning that into my week and being as gentle on myself as I can. I had high hopes to clean more house today but it simply wasn't in me. I am getting better at recognizing the need to balance time out with therapeutic writing, sewing or tidying.

I hope everyone is having a lovely fall day. If Halloween is your thing, I hope it's a good one!

The Day I Usually Quit

On Sunday I had the pleasure of travelling with friends to see another friend perform in a wonderful show. I forgot how intimate and personal live theatre can be. I found myself fighting back tears for most of the performance, hoping an ugly-cry didn't escape and interrupt the whole thing.

I always choke up when I see another person struggle with emotion. And the performance was real, raw. It was about gender roles, exclusion and inclusion, acceptance and rejection, fear and love, faith and hope. These are emotions and situations we all deal with daily. The story hit home. I watched an entire room full of people weep at the vilification and the ultimate vindication of a young person navigating a complicated and unforgiving community. In that story, a room full of people saw themselves in one way or another. To say the least, it was an emotional and inspiring afternoon that reminded me of the power of art.

Having several hours of driving with positive women living life on their terms didn't hurt either. It reaffirmed all the decisions I've made lately to put myself back on the list of people I care for and tend to. I was exhausted when I got home. Exhausted in the crying-jag, so-much-to-think-about way that actually pushes you over a hump and onto a new level of consciousness. I feel like the old me, the past me, has finally shed the skin of tentative self-doubt. Yes, I have been practicing my motto of meaning over approval for a few years now. It has helped me tremendously to achieve a life of gratitude and focus. And now, now I am ready to embody what my mind has been seeking all this time.

So, as I mentioned, Sunday was a day of travel, conversation and reflection. And I know, I know, that the first day that I don't exercise or follow my eating plan is usually the end of things for me for about two or three weeks. That is how easily I derail. And my one day away from my home meant jobs that I would have done Sunday were all the more urgent on Monday. The pigs and sheep need bedding for these colder nights. The rabbits need a nice cozy bed. The lawn must be mowed one more time before the snow flies (forecast for Wednesday). I need to clean up toys and electric fence and flower pots before winter, remove and clean my screens, wash windows, the list goes on and on. And somewhere on that list is exercise. And a writer's retreat application that needs finishing. Which requires actually working on a story that exists mostly in my mind and has yet to make its way onto paper. So after a wonderful Sunday, Monday is usually the day that I quit.

Just recycling some old pictures of autumn in this neck o' the woods

The symbolic "Monday After"...after a day of broken routine I have a heck of a time getting back on the wagon. I normally excuse myself from returning to whatever exercise routine I've established. I'll take today off...I'll get back at it tomorrow...I deserve this break. And before I know it, three weeks will have passed and it is all the harder to get back at it. But not this time.

Yesterday I got most of my list accomplished. I also managed to read more to my 4 year old (also a goal), process tomatoes, work on the application and I did not let myself off the hook with regards to exercise. In fact, I did 30 minutes of cardio plus 15 minutes of elliptical trainer. Then once the kids were in bed I did an additional 15 minutes of elliptical. I followed my eating plan (although I think I'm eating too much; I need to rein in my portions). But this is less about weight loss than it is about discipline and consistency. I will consistently do the things that make me feel good. I will make time in my day to do the things I need for myself. No one can do this for me, and no amount of encouragement is going to help unless I .Do. This. For. Myself.

I have been struggling with my weight and occasional depression since I had kids. There is no shame in admitting that. It doesn't mean I don't love them. I have allowed my hobbies, family, garden and animals to be a shield to hide behind--a line of defense against the hard work I need to do to fulfill my potential. But I can recognize the days where it will be hardest for me to persevere. Thanksgiving is going to be a difficult weekend. There are so many people to see, a party, a huge meal. Company and Husband home for the first time in 5 weeks. But I'm going to work my hardest on the day that I usually quit. I'm writing it here so that I have to face my decision if I stop. I feel better when I exercise so I will make time to exercise no matter how busy the long weekend is. You heard it here first ;)

For The Future Me

The other day I read something on Medium that really resonates. Although awkwardly titled, "How to Trick Yourself Into Being Kind to Yourself" hit home for me on a number of levels. The gist of it is that we can all try a bit harder, dig a little deeper, today in order to help ourselves tomorrow. Whether it is just maintaining a bare minimum when depressed, or being motivated to exercise and eat right even when we'd rather not, framing the situation as a "won't I be glad for this tomorrow" scenario helps keep us on track even in moments of weakness.

On the surface, I have been doing this for sometime without even thinking about it. I have been doing much better at tidying the kitchen before putting the kids to bed. I know how I dislike waking up to a mess so it has become a matter of routine to do the dishes, sweep the floor and tidy the living room before we go up for baths and stories. The boys also know their roles in helping and it has made life so much more pleasant. Unconsciously, I have made a routine of tidying today, though tired, to start the day off right for myself tomorrow.

In other ways, though, I have failed to invest in myself, whether it is today or in the future. I have slowly allowed myself to become that tired looking mom we all know--the one whose home is reasonably tidy, her kids are polite and clean, the bills are paid the lawn is mowed the list goes on, but in her ability to look after everyone else she has neglected to look after herself. Possibly her clothes don't fit, her hair may be disheveled or simply pulled back for practicality. She may have nothing to say because she has lost her voice and opinions and interests in her quest to make everything good for everyone else.

This didn't happen overnight. It is a slow erosion and small sacrifices are made so naturally that they go unnoticed, at least at first. By the time they are felt it is too late and the opportunities that come along where she might renew her interests and reinvent who she once was...those opportunities often go unanswered out of fear, or something comes up, or it is not convenient to make it happen.

It pains me greatly to say that I am that woman. I've allowed thirty pounds to creep onto my frame the same way I've allowed my interests and intellect to creep out the door. Losing your identity is an insidious, silent chipping away at your spirit.

Of course I am happy with my life. I have two happy children--having happy children is all any of us really wants, isn't it?--I have a caring common-law husband, a helpful family that I am close to in spirit and proximity. I have friends, real ones, that understand me. Life is good and I am grateful and this is not a stay-at-home-mom rant. But having all of these things and losing myself in the process? That is not fair and it is not even necessary. It is just something that I have allowed to happen.

Frugality can do that. Living in the country can do it too. My mom is the only person that has watched my kids, save for a handful of afternoons at a friend's house. My mom is busy and overworked and I don't want to add to her workload, no matter how much she loves to help with the grandkids. So here I sit.

But I am realizing that, for the Future Me, I need to step out of my well rehearsed role of martyr-mother. I do NOT want to look back on my life and see a path littered with opportunities I didn't take, stories I didn't write, experiences I didn't have because it was easier to stay home and do the work that needing doing. I will always take care of my family and animals. I know that. I am not throwing everything overboard for a life of glamour and adventure. I am simply making myself part of the conversation again.

Even before I read the Medium story I had begun to schedule myself some writing times, usually in the evening. It's not a perfect scenario because I am often too tired and worn down to properly focus. Sometimes I just fall asleep instead. But I am working on it. I have even worked in a bit of afternoon time and it has been massively productive.

Most importantly, for me at the moment, I have begun to exercise in earnest. I am tired of having a belly hanging over the jeans handed down to me by a friend. I am very tired of looking frazzled and worn and spent. That is not how I feel on the inside. Inside, I am brimming with life and curiosity and possibility. I want to look like I care about myself. Right now I know that I look like I put everyone else's needs before my own. Because I do.

Scheduling time to write and exercise has made me more efficient at completing all the jobs I like to get done. Leaving the dishes pile up for 3 days does not help my situation because then I am tired and frustrated in a dirty house. But if I want the time to write and exercise, I can accomplish quite a bit. I know that I can get the dishes done and floor swept and house tidied in only a few minutes. The Future Me needs me to do that. Investing in myself, giving myself time to exercise, read, write and grow, is very much  a part of caring for the Future Me too. I have to do it.

Oh ya, I have a blog

The days are flying by around here. Our lives have gone from the slow dull grind of toddler monotony easier-to-stay-home-than-go-out-and-risk-a-meltdown (mine, not theirs). Suddenly, here we are with one kid off to school everyday and me and the other guy busy with sheep and pigs and the house and yard and even trying to do some sewing ;)

I feel like I am not sure what this blog is about anymore. I know I've mentioned that before so I won't go on and on. There's been no time to keep up with budgets and spreadsheets but as the garden and animals wind down for the year I hope to get back at it. I have lots of crafts and projects on the go that I'd like to share. It's a matter of figuring out how to put pictures on this blankety-blank blog! I've been out of the workforce a few years now and keeping up with technology is a real pain in my side. Most days I am tempted to do like my dad and reject it altogether (except that he literally has to get someone to change the radio station in the tractor for him). I guess I don't want to go that far with it.
But there's a fair amount of cursing happens at this desk :-)

For the longest while I had lost the camera. When I found it I promptly lost the cord to charge it. Now I have found the cord but the camera is at my mom's, where I took it to take pictures of my sweet baby nephew but forgot to. I am not even making this up. So although I have decided to say to h=ll with using my iphone to do pictures for the blog, I still don't have pictures until I get used to carrying a camera around again. Once I have it, that is.

We had our chickens butchered a few weeks ago. In my quest to teach my boys about where their food comes from I have created two part-time vegetarians. I suspect there will be more unintended consequences along my parenting journey, but we have 3 pigs nearing the end of their tenure here and I don't want to turn them off bacon for life. Although, "more for me" is a thought that does cross my mind.

The year's garden did well. I did not, however, succeed in keeping better records of what I grew and how much I harvested. I did not really even get pictures of it. But the yard is maturing and the spring will be a time to put some needed work into infrastructure by way of more stepping stone paths and hopefully the larger garden spot that I wanted this year but did not get. After that, the focus will be on maintaining what I have--better weed control--and getting the pond pump running. We had a very labour-intense spring this year and I hope never to repeat that. Some projects are to be expected, even wished for, but the work installing the rocks on our pillars and basement was a strain. Very expensive, very time consuming. Glad to have it done, though!

Front door: before

Front door: after 2 coats of paint

Petunia

Well lookie there, I just figured out how to put up a couple pics. Hopefully this is a sign of more good things to come :) I will put up another picture of the front door makeover when I finally get that last coat of paint done. Hope all is well for you :)

And Then My Phone Fell Into The Pool

There are many times that I look around myself in perplexity and ask "what do I want to teach my kids in this situation?". The past week has certainly been one of those times. It feels like the hits just keep on coming.

It all started with a sick ewe (we have four female sheep bred to lamb any day now). Unfortunately, she gave birth late in the night to two little ones that didn't make it. She seems to be recovering, and we are grateful for that. In the meantime I bought a bottle fed lamb to put on her, hoping that she would accept it as her own. That hasn't panned out and it seemed to have been affecting her recovery so I have changed plans and bottle feed little Minnie instead. The only thing more cute than a baby lamb is children feeding one a bottle :)

So far one other ewe has lambed unassisted and her little baby seems to be okay. I thought he was sucking on his own but he got somewhat weakened before I realized he wasn't finding the teet on his own. Such a learning curve. Although I have grown up around animals and listened to farmer talk all my life, doing is certainly different than planning and reading. There is no substitute for experience in most things, and in caring for animals in particular! He is getting the hang of things but I still go out several times a day to make sure he is getting his mama's milk.

Sadly, in amongst the bottle feeding we had a bunny rabbit up and die out of the blue. Such a tragedy for a child to lose his first pet. We have no idea what went wrong with Bingo, except that we put the two in their own separate side-by-side hutches and the little guy quit eating and died before we knew anything was amiss. Funeral arrangements are being made as we speak.

We have had unusual heat and wind. We had a few days in a row of 28C, which for May is unheard of. The spring wild fire season is getting more intense every year and the city of Fort McMurray, Alberta, has all but burned to the ground. Almost 90,000 people have been evacuated and most if not all have lost everything. It's difficult to comprehend. Although "Fort Mac" is not that close by distance, it is a community much like our own in the it is largely driven by the oil and gas industry. The people there had already faced challenges and it's hard to imagine the scale of their collective loss. In a devastating accident, a 15 year old girl and her cousin died in an accident while being evacuated. Unfathomable.

All in all, a week like this really put things into perspective. At the first sign of trouble with the sheep I began to question my ability to care for these animals and thought seriously about giving it all up. But some calls to the vet, help from a farmer brother and the ever-ready support of my mom and Husband have helped get us through a rough patch and much, much learning ensued. It's an analogy that can be applied to most any situation. When things look bleak, and they sometimes will, you have to search inside yourself for a reason to keep on. For me it is always, always to show my kids resolve and perseverance and steadfastness. I will not always be there to guide them but if I can I will leave them an attitude that will get them through hard and scary times. I was uncertain what to do so I called for help. In the future I will be better prepared because of this experience.

As we see communities and families reaching out to help each other in their hour of need there is a lesson in it for my kids and myself as well. Where there is darkness there is also light. Sometimes you just need to be the light yourself and share it with those around you.

PS there are no pictures with today's blog because in the heat of a windy day my lawn chair tipped over and spilled my cell phone into the kiddie pool out on the lawn. I must say, being unplugged from it has been refreshing and I only get another because it is more convenient to text with Husband when he is away. But the lack of distractions and yahoo-news-time-wasting has been sweet relief. I vow to leave the new one on a shelf except for designated times where I check for urgent messages. Life is so much better without being tied to a gadget.

Hallelujah! A Pleasant Customer Service Experience...

I am not being paid or rewarded in any way to write this post, but I recently had a great experience dealing with a company and I felt it only right to give them some credit. Too often nowadays we see reports of faraway companies (here's lookin' at you, Broan. Ahem!) that make it intentionally difficult to contact them, they don't believe what you tell them, and it is incredibly hard to send things back or God Forbid ever get your money back for a dud purchase.

This was not the case with Kitchen Aid or, more specifically, Whirlpool. I have wanted a stand mixer forever and finally in 2014 I went searching at Boxing Day sales and got the Professional 5 Plus from Kitchen Aid (bought at the local Canadian Tire). It was on a good sale and also had a $50 mail-in rebate so it was a good time to buy. This machine really upped my bread making game--and pizza crust. It died on me a few weeks ago and it actually threw a wrench into my routine because all winter I've done my baking and laundry on Mondays and I found that I didn't have the confidence to tackle bread and buns without the mixer. But I digress.

I contacted the company online and heard back from them within a few days. I expected it to be a hassle and also thought I'd have lost the receipt by now (I recommend that everyone start a "receipts to keep" folder of some kind, if you don't have one already. I have one and, imagine that, this time I actually used it and found the receipt no problem). The machine had one year warranty and because I purchased it in December of 2014 and it died in March of 2016 it was not covered but they replaced it anyways, no questions asked. Have you ever heard of such a thing?! I am really impressed!

The customer service rep that I dealt with said as a one time only show of good faith, and to keep my business, they would replace the mixer and I would have a year's warranty on it starting on the day they shipped it. They sent me a shipping label with which to return the old machine (I did not have to send it away first). So when the new machine arrived I simply had to put the old machine and it's attachments into the new box along with my contact info, tape it up, put the shipping label on the box and drop it off at Purolator. I actually haven't dropped it off yet but the next time I'm in town I will. It was that simple.

As far as the quality of the machine goes, it's strange that the new mixer sounds so different from the old one. The old one used to squeal so loud that no one could talk or watch TV while it was being used. I couldn't hear the door bell over it. Perhaps the old one was flawed from the beginning. This new one is very quiet but doesn't seem very powerful, so I don't have high hopes that it will last any longer than the old one. The price of these types of appliances is so high but they are always on a sale where you can save $150 or more....so that makes me wonder if their value is actually the sale price and they shouldn't actually go on sale for the $100 or more less. Nothing is built to last and it saddens me that these big, heavy, expensive mixers are actually disposable. What is wrong with the world? If you are in the market for a stand mixer, read customer reviews and talk to your friends. I wish that spending $350 or more on a mixer meant you would have one for life, but I am positive this will not be the case for me. Can you recommend a good machine?

All that aside, this post was meant to compliment the experience I had dealing with their customer service and about that I really can't complain at all.

Mental Block

I seem to have hit the wall as far as my hobbies go. I haven't sewn in a month or more (except for today, where I have managed to cut and re-cut fabric into a variety of sizes--all of them wrong for the pattern I was attempting). I have stopped writing blog posts although I still jot down daily notes. Gardener friends are excited to get out into the dirt and I sigh that once the snow melts and the mud dries up I have acres of dog mess to pick off my lawn. I'm just being a downer.

So I thought I better break the silence and at least post some photos of the daily goings on. If I leave it too long it gets harder and harder to return.

Yard is still buried in snow

Although the yard is still frozen and under a foot or two of snow, the area facing south of our attached garage (above) is thawing quickly and soon I hope to clear out last year's growth. Perhaps I will rig up some low tunnels and start some early greens. Below, the snow has already disappeared from the south side of our house, just beside the attached garage area. This is also a great spot for some early planting. I hope to build some cold frames this spring (although I do hate to talk about "plans" on the blog before the project has begun--things do have a way of changing and then one appears to be a dud when the plan never comes to fruition!). Oh well, the cat is out of the bag--hopefully I have success starting kale, lettuce, arugula and cilantro indoors and there are cold frames to move to when they are ready :)

One of two remaining jars of maple syrup that we boiled down last year. Also notice my stained glass windows hanging in the window--love 'em! I had saved a quart for each of my sons' birthdays, but we forgot to do it at J's! So this past weekend at O's 4th birthday party I attempted to cook the syrup down into taffy and pour it onto snow for our little friends. It worked out okay but because I did it in the house (bringing a bowl of snow inside) the taffy didn't cool off as well or get as firm as it should have.

Once our company left the syrup cooled into a lovely candy/taffy that I didn't want to waste.

So I added some brown sugar, butter, vanilla and soda and poured it over freshly popped popcorn (no photo available). It was very, very tasty and if I have any syrup next Christmas I think I've happened upon my new "homemade gift" for bus driver, teachers, etc.

As I mentioned, I haven't been sewing much since completing a blanket for my new baby nephew. I think it was that I dreaded putting the binding on the quilt I made my sister-in-law for Christmas.

I just kept putting it off so yesterday I tackled it and finished it. It was a nice relief to get that off the to-do list and it inspired me to rifle through my fabric stash and put together a baby boy and a baby girl quilt so that I have one of each on hand to give away.

I very much love the colour combination I chose for a simple girl's pinwheel baby blanket. But because the Pin I'm using as inspiration is a full sized quilt with large blocks I tried to shrink it in scale and guess at dimensions that would work. The quarter inch seam fools me every time and I've ended up with some blocks smaller than others and need to cut a whole bunch more fabric. I would have been done it by now if I had searched to find a proper pattern, but if I had done that I might not have gotten around to finally posting on the blog ;) I guess everything happens for a reason :) I hope you are having a great Tuesday!

Quietude

Isn't it funny how quiet and still a snowy morning can be?

 This quiet, the expectant silence waiting for the sleep that winter will bring...this I seek in my heart and mind. For the first time in perhaps ever, at least since I was a child, I look forward to the methodical pace of winter. Wood hauled in, ashes hauled out. Plow snow, shovel snow. Play in snow. Sleigh ride. Hunker down. Rest. Sew. Read. Snuggle my boys and savour savour this precious window in their childhood. For if there is one age I remember, and one season, it is the excitement of snow and decorating cookies and making cinnamon buns and waiting for the bus to drop off my brothers so we could eat our homemade treats that we had made for them. And I do remember the quiet. I played with my not-a-barbie doll in a cardboard box that I had made into a doll house and the dramas of her glamorous life were acted out in my mind where only I could hear. That Christmas Santa delivered a doll house, a real house, for my not-a-barbie and I don't believe there's been a gift so special since. The wall paper in her bathroom matched the wall paper in ours, her bedroom carpet the white plush shag of our discarded bathroom mat. She was like a movie star.

There are no more jobs calling me outside. Every year my interest in the garden wanes before I have completed all my jobs and now there is snow on the ground and I can give myself permission to focus my attention indoors. Rooms that need cleaned top to bottom and things that need sorted and tidied and oh so many things to sew. 

Quiet. The quiet pace of our lives slows still more for this season. But my boys will continue to grow. I will tire of the repetition of my daily routine by February and I will drag myself to spring with gritted teeth and big plans for the yard. This I know. This year I enter winter without dreading the length and severity of it. I know that we will make it through. We will be productive, in our way, and we will greet spring with the joy that we now welcome winter. I am ready. Bring it.

First Fire of the Year

It was a chilly day, misting and a cold wind. 

I lit a fire in the wood stove tonight, the first of the year. It's faster to warm up the house using the furnace but it never feels as good as toasty warm floors and...well, just being warm by the fire. 

It's supposed to warm up later in the week, but it's time for me to haul in some wood. We won't light a fire every day, but soon we will and it is time to get some wood ready for the winter. As usual, the plan to get the wood all cut in the spring/summer didn't happen. But Husband and my brothers might get a chance to cut some wood this weekend (Canadian Thanksgiving). It's becoming a bit of a family tradition. I am glad to spend time working together outside and then sitting down to a family meal. These occasions are about to become even more special as my younger brother and his wife are expecting their first child in January. I am incredibly moved by the thought of my kids having a little cousin to play with and I can't wait for them to enjoy the kind of holidays we had with our cousins. Like every other year, this year we have so much to be thankful for. 

Learning New Skills

I think that, no matter what your interests or talents, life is so much more fulfilling when you continue to learn. Stepping out of our comfort zones can be scary, yes, but exhilarating. I am very grateful that I was able to take part in a cheese making workshop yesterday and I have been walking on air making plans and schemes and feeling like life is full of possibilities. Isn't that great?

I did a mosaic tile table top workshop when my first son was a baby. It was one of the first times I'd left him all day (with my mom, but still!). I was exhausted, I missed him so much that by midday I almost burst into tears and left to go home. But I also felt an old spark rekindled...a creative side that had become bogged down in midnight feedings, diapers, loneliness, isolation and the feeling that my own identity had been swallowed up by something (although wonderful) much greater than myself. I began to remember who I was.

My mom suggested that I do a pottery class a couple years ago--love that woman! I had done a class pre-children and really loved handling the clay. I hand built some pieces that we use all the time. Creating bowls and cups on the wheel is still on my bucket list and the class I did in 2013 really gave me some confidence and it was so healthy for me to have a few hours a week pursuing my own interests while mom took care of my kids.

My love of gardening continues to grow. We have an elderly neighbour who also loves his garden and we visit back and forth to compare notes (he drops in to see if I've got these weeds under control yet!). Even at the age of 75 he is still seeing new things happen in the garden and he is interested in the types of things I plant and he loves to share his vegetables. What a hobby, to garden. The fact that a 99c pack of seeds can bring me years of delightful flowers just makes me full of joy. This yard...my garden...there isn't a day, not one day, goes by where I don't look out my window and thank whatever powers have brought me here to this place in my life.

It is such a delight to have friends that share my interest in crafty, homemade things. I shared a craft table at the local Christmas sale last year and we have plans to do another this year. Scheming and sewing and planning keeps every day interesting for me.

A friend and I made soap a few weeks ago (it may be a bit soft but we are letting it cure. And cure some more!). We plan to try again and as much as I enjoyed taking part in the process it is the company and connecting as friends that really feeds my soul.

The cheese making workshop yesterday opened my eyes to more than just a new homesteading skill that I am interested in. It was a group of local people that are pursuing similar hobbies and the lifestyle that I aspire to. I didn't feel so alone in my curiosity. I felt inspired. I felt like I can do all of the things swimming around in my brain. I felt really grateful that we can afford for me to do these occasional workshops and days out, and I felt very happy to come home to my family that supports my trying new things. When I look back on five years ago when I felt washed up, spent, and like my own identity was lost forever, I feel the need to spread the word to others that if you do the work that you must you will eventually find the time to do the things that you love. Read about it, blog about it, read blogs and borrow books and visit the places that inspire you. Build your knowledge so that when the time is right you can begin.

Not every one would want to try the things that I have taken a crack at in the last few years. We are learning about chickens and ducks and lambs and making syrup, baking bread and quilting and I have a list of things to come. These are not very scholarly or professional endeavors. They are hands on, tactile, artistic, grass roots crafts and skills and that may not be your thing. But I hope that you find your "thing" and pursue it with all your heart. The world opens up when you find your groove and never stop learning new things :)

Don't Call Him a Cowboy (until you've seen him ride)

30 degree heat, air conditioned cab, old country tunes and a view I love. 

I used to pack silage for my dad every year. It's the low-man on the totem pole job, but I've never minded. Since having kids I haven't been able to help more than a few hours at a time. But today I got to ride a tractor while my kids helped gramma with her chickens. I felt useful again, although I know I'm useful in other ways. I'm out of practice and my dad spent a bit of time correcting my work ;) but all in all, a day well spent!

A Hot Mess

Oh, it's hot. Saskatchewan is in the grips of a heat wave, a drought, and a record breaking number of out of control forest fires. It's hot, it's smokey, and it's starting to feel a tad apocalyptic.

There's a forecast for thunderstorms tomorrow and a week of showers. I sure hope we get it. I hope it rains and rains in the north and saves beautiful La Ronge, where I left a little piece of my heart. I hope no more property is lost and more importantly that no one is hurt. 

Not just another blurry picture, that's smoke from fires over 500 kms away. 

It's been around 30C (approx 88F) and last night was so smokey I didn't open any windows to let the house cool off. We do have a cool basement to retreat to if need be, but so far everyone has been happier in their own beds. The smoke lifted somewhat this afternoon and I've got the windows open trying to catch a breeze. 

It's not all been doom and gloom of course. I took my mom and kids to an open house at a local cheesiry. We toured the facility and watched the sheep being milked. Later in August I'm going to do a cheese making workshop there and I'm excited at the prospect of someday making cheese on my own.

Lined up and ready to milk. 

I didn't manage a picture of all the girls with their heads through but I was being courteous to everyone else who wanted a look!

I am trying to finish up the weeding in my food gardens before my kids start swimming lessons next week. We are driving back and forth to a local lake 5 days in a row. I'm a homebody and 5 consecutive days of being out and about is really my limit. I want my kids to enjoy the tradition of swimming lessons at a lake and so I'm going to grin and bear it. It's all about the memories, after all :)

We had a visit from our elderly neighbour. He is 75 tomorrow and invited us to his birthday party, and brought saskatoon berries and bubblegum for the kids. I am touched by the little things he does to help us out and we make a point of checking in on him and dropping off treats now and then. If you know an elderly person that is alone, I hope you take the time to pop in for a quick visit from time to time. It's particularly important to check in if there are major storms or power outages. The difference you will make in an elderly person's life is so worth the effort and you stand to learn a lot from a person happy to share their knowledge. Wherever you are this weekend, I hope you are enjoying good health and good weather!