Alignment

It's been too long since I've come to this space to centre myself.

Blogging used to bring me back to my foundation, or at least it felt so. In putting my thoughts and intentions into words here, I always felt clarity and grounded-ness return. I'm not sure of that now, nor am I sure why.

It all has to do with with actually following through on what one publicly declares, and the pernicious contradiction between introversion and the online world. I'm not sure I can go on with it.

At the same time, there are things left unsaid that I feel I will need to write out to understand...about life, motherhood, writing, gardening, and all the things that make me feel whole. And I have no problem sharing that, in fact, it seems in some odd way to help me. And there's the paradox.

It's been a summer of high expectations that no doubt had to fall short in some way or another. When you have such long winters it's hard not to lay the hopes and dreams of the whole year at the feet of a couple unsuspecting months of sunshine and tell them, "work, damn you. Make it all worthwhile!"

But of course summer can't do that. A garden doesn't simply grow and produce without weeds (and oh how many weeds). You can't just hit the end of the school year and drop everything and expect that only fun will ensue. When you abandon all the personal growth you've undertaken and achieved in increments over what seems like years, mowing down on chips and hotdogs and, yes, alcohol, all in the name of summer's freedom, it is hard not to come out the other side bereft and constipated and wondering what hit you.

I guess that's where I am right now.

I began the summer by throwing in the towel on my organic aspirations and buying a jug of Round-Up and poisoning thistles around my yard. You see, the thistle problem here has morphed into a situation that feels really drastic and hopeless at the same time. I haven't taken a single picture of what used to be my pride and joy. And I've felt unable to write about it because I've abandoned a principle that felt so important. And I felt that I've taken this blog and changed it and can't really return to it now that I've broken a sacred trust.

I felt like the couple readers I have would pick up and leave me, which you might.

While I'm confessing my sins I might also add that the spending this summer has also veered from my comfort zone. We've done more camping and I'd like someone to explain to me how food that you cook over a fire is so exorbitantly more expensive than that which you cook inside your home. I suspect it's all those chips. Whatever the case, a couple of shopping sprees where I justified the binge with the statement, "this is what we save all year for, kids!" has left me feeling completely out of whack.

I haven't been living in alignment with my values and it gets me every time.

I think I expected 40 to be an age where, though I might have insecurities regarding my looks and womanhood, at least I would have my proverbial shit together in a mental sense. And lately that just hasn't been the case.

The old truck I drive just cost a bundle of money to fix and the indecision whether to fix it or nix it feels like a twenty-something conundrum. But these situations are going to arise and no amount of writing about budgets and being proactive and the like is going to make the obvious choice stand out. And I guess I thought we were above these situations and decisions. But life still happens to those who budget. And when those who budget justify some major discretionary spending blowouts, coming back to earth hurts.

I allow this to happen to myself too often. I regularly exercise, for awhile, and recognize how good I feel when I eat right. I get more confidence and my body and mind and ideals are in tune with each other. For whatever reason, I derail when faced with temptation. Often, the sweets and sentiment of Christmas. In this case, the indulgence and allure of childhood memories at the lake. Missing from those pictures is the balance that allows me some latitude while also keeping me on the right track.

I can see now, also, that it was a mistake to abandon writing for the summer. I took a class and felt I had made some progress in the winter and spring. But this was an important summer in that both kids start school in the fall, and I felt that hunkering down with them was the best way to savour these days together. I intentionally set aside my writing goals and now feel it's impossible to regain my momentum. I can also see how hard the transition will be in September and I'm already freaking out.

Luckily, there is time. There is time every day to return to exercising. I have time right now to make a smoothie and sit on the deck visiting my guys. And there's a couple weeks yet to establish a routine that will help carry me over the bump in my road where two little boys get on the bus and I am alone for the day. That's a day I've pictured for years, sometimes with longing and often with trepidation. Right now I view it with something akin to terror, because I don't see who will be here alone without them. I don't see, right now, who that person is or how she will manage.

I feel like I allowed two months of summer, with no routine or goals, to derail my confidence and intentional life I'd been living. How silly of me to allow that to happen. But it is easily rectified. A trip to the library, plenty of books and snuggles, fresh air and exercise and some gentle self-care. I really let myself go this summer and I'm disappointed in how I veered from my course in almost every way possible. But it was me who had set the course to begin with, and me that must set it right.

Weekly Column: And Baby Makes Three

And baby makes three

For most parents, preparing for your first child is a time of nervous wonder and excitement. All the “firsts,” from the first movements in the womb to your first delivery and baby’s first words and steps, make parenthood a fantastic and awe-inspiring experience.

Beyond all the emotional and hormonal changes happening in your life, you may also notice different pressures and judgements being assigned. Baby gear is a competitive industry and you will be marketed to non-stop as the pregnancy progresses.

From maternity clothes to stretchmark creams, there is no frontier left unexplored by advertisers. Prepare to be bombarded by all the “essential” things you must have to ensure that your child develops and thrives to its highest potential.

And that’s before you’ve even given birth.

Part of your responsibility as the adult caring for a newborn and preparing a child for life is to become a discerning consumer. This begins with being rational about what you actually need and what’s clever marketing. It’s easy to get caught up in the excitement and want to buy every new gadget out there. But, while babies can be expensive, remember they don’t have to be.

Newborns don’t require much and it needn’t all be top of the line merchandise. In fact, much of it can come your way in the form of hand-me-downs or garage sale finds.

Everyone has their own level of tolerance for used items. While some people might happily buy used cloth diapers on kijiji, someone else might shudder at the thought. As a parent, you must always do what you are comfortable with, but do give used baby gear a chance.

Remember that many things will be outgrown before they are used. Additionally, if you have a large extended family, you may be given more than you need without having to purchase much at all. Consider the wealth of experience that surrounds you. Ask relatives and friends that have children what the most essential things are—you might be surprised at the range of answers.

Safety first

Obviously, no amount of money saved is worth putting your child at risk. Car seats expire, so check the date on the bottom before accepting a used seat. Also, if you can’t be sure that the car seat has never been in an accident, don’t take it.

Having a top of the line seat won’t matter much if it isn’t installed properly. Before your due date, search for a car seat clinic near you through the SGI website or book an appointment with a car seat technician at https://www.sgi.sk.ca/online_services/locators/carseattech/index.html

Baby needs a safe place to sleep. While many parents now sleep with their children for the first few months and beyond, if you have a used crib or playpen make sure all of the pieces are intact and that there hasn’t been a safety recall on the product. As well, replace the mattress if it has seen a lot of wear. Too soft of a surface can smother baby.

Baby fashion

The days of the Winnie the Pooh diaper bag are long gone. Baby accessories are now a reflection of the parent’s style, and it can be difficult to keep perspective when you see your friends with all the latest trends. If keeping to a budget is important and necessary to you, comfort yourself that having the latest fashions does not reflect on the love you have for your child.

There are strollers out there that can attach to a car seat, collapse to fit into the trunk of a car, and go off-road like an all-terrain vehicle. Before making a purchase, consider what you will really be using the stroller for. If short walks to the park predominate, a $30 umbrella stroller might suffice. If jogging through the woods is more your style, the price will be higher. Knowing that, you may want to start watching used websites, garage sales and mommy Facebook pages to snag some great deals.

There are so many opinions about how to raise a child. From cloth or disposable diapers, to breast or formula feeding, to baby’s development, you will likely feel overwhelmed at times.

Keep your wits about you. Advertisers like to make us feel as though we are incapable of raising a child without their products. Those fancy nursing covers used to be called a blanket. Bottle sterilizers were once a pot of boiling water.

Don’t allow the pressure to spend more money detract from this spectacular, once in a lifetime experience.

Make sure your baby is safe and warm. Consult with other parents and respected elders and make decisions based on reality. What you save now will be spent later, believe me, when the hand-me-downs dry up and your child begins playing sports and attending birthday parties. 

Weekly Column: On Living Long, and Wide, and Deep

Living long, and wide, and deep

It’s a popular trend to think that, since we don’t know that we will live long, we should live wide—taking in every experience possible with the motto “you only live once,” or YOLO. But research reveals that simply experiencing thrills and pleasures doesn’t make us truly happy. Maybe it’s time to also experience living deeply…where our consideration for others and making small meaningful sacrifices enriches our experience and brings lasting contentment and gratification.

Two articles in the Atlantic, both by Olga Khazan, discuss why more and more people feel isolated and depressed in today’s society. In “How Loneliness Begets Loneliness” (April 6, 2017) the author states that Americans are “facing an epidemic of loneliness and isolation.” She cites research showing that a lack of social connection can cause significant health problems including depression and anxiety. The statistics in the US and Canada are roughly the same in stating that a quarter of us are lonely.

It is no wonder, then, that 1 in 10 Canadians will suffer a depressive episode in their lifetime. Once you are lonely and depressed it becomes harder to get out and see people, and the spiral deepens. 

In her second article, “Meaningful Activities Protect the Brain from Depression,” (April 21, 2014) Khazan discusses a study of 100 teenagers which found that kids are less vulnerable to depression if they are predisposed to selfless deeds.

Of course, depression is a real medical condition and it can’t be solved by saying “go do selfless deeds, you’ll feel better.” But it is heartening for parents to know that a little action on our part might insulate our children from depression and mental anxiety down the road.

Kahzan describes two kinds of joy. The first is the selfish kind of pleasure found in receiving a gift or purchasing something new. This happiness quickly fades. The second type of joy is the more gratifying feeling of contentment that comes from helping others, doing meaningful work, or “otherwise living a life well lived.” This sense of well-being lasts longer.

In other words, it’s better to give yourself and your kids experiences where you interact meaningfully with each other and the community, rather than worrying about giving them gadgets and vacations. What a relief.

It makes sense that if doing things for others protects young people from depression, the same should be true for the rest of us.

It also makes sense that many of the people that have been uncertain about their income and future over the past few years might have suffered anxiety, depression or isolation as a result. This is bad for your health and hard on your family. It can trickle down to the kids and affect their behaviour and confidence. We have a vested interest in learning to cope with and prevent isolation and depression wherever possible.

Rather than searching for ways to give yourself and your kids the thrills of a Disney vacation, teach them to appreciate the everyday wonders around them. Allow them to be bored and learn to entertain themselves. Teach them that feeling good doesn’t come with a price tag but rather that it takes effort to create a happy life.

Give them opportunities to volunteer and discuss how it made them feel. Show them how other people live and teach them gratitude. Let them feel the rush of bettering someone else’s situation.

Talk about the things that make them feel grateful and inspired, and do more of those. Have them identify what makes them feel unhappy—like seeing other people’s exciting Facebook statuses—and, periodically, have them unplug from it. Remind them that what they see online is not reality.

You only live once. 

The idea that you can only enjoy the high points, the visits to the mountains, the bungee jumping, the gatherings with friends, is an idea that detracts from the rich, everyday miracles of northern lights, a good book, an inspiring conversation.

When you feel stressed at trying to provide your family with an amazing life experience, take heart in knowing that teaching them to have morals, a positive attitude and a good work ethic doesn’t have to cost a dime. Armed with these attributes and a dedication to helping others, hopefully your children will know how to cope with what life throws at them.

It would be nice to provide your children with a worldly upbringing, full of adventure and spontaneity. Preparing for an adulthood that is often hard and mundane is equally as important, though.

Being a provider in an economic downturn is not for the faint of heart. Relax about giving your kids all the vacations and toys that they dream of. Teach them to appreciate life’s small pleasures so that they can recognize joy when they feel it. 

Fairies Welcome

The Easter Bunny brought my boys a few pieces of fairy garden furniture and a gnome and a little solar light each, and some packets of seeds. Now that it has stopped snowing (hopefully!) we have enjoyed a day outside in the pleasant sun.

A pond, of course.
Located next to the cold frames on the south side of our house

The top pond could theoretically overflow into the bottom pond
via the rock stream. I'm afraid the theory vs the reality is
blowing a 5 year old's mind

Fairies welcome, mate!

A spot for tea

The foot bridge

I don't know why, but I've felt somewhat tentative about getting started in the yard this year. It's been raining and snowing for weeks, which is enough to dampen the most enthusiastic of spirits. But I've been battling a case of the overwhelms, already, at the weed control, the unfinished jobs, and, frankly,the dog poo.

But there is something so delightful about imagining a little garden for fairies to visit while we are not looking. The sheer joy the kids have felt at building a little stream and firepit, walkways and a little door, reminded me that I, too, have a magical space for tea and flowers and pretty things and peacefulness. It doesn't have to be perfect, and it won't be. But it's our little spot to do what we want with, and enjoy the sun and summer together.

What Does the Library Mean to You?

I've found, in my little blog universe, a like-minded group that has saved me, saved me, at times, from feeling utterly alone in seeking the life I want for myself and my family. Just knowing that so many people are on the same path, be they near or far, has been a comfort when I didn't feel my own passions and interests reflected in my immediate surroundings. I am so grateful to have these connections to people that I can "speak to" and, happily, I can visit their blogs to learn and commiserate and cheer them on in turn. This sense of community, albeit virtual, has been a turning point for my emotional well-being and overall sense of place and happiness.

Another thing that has been paramount to my adjusting to becoming a mom, my struggles with depression and anxiety, and my maturity as an adult has been the local library, wherever I have lived. I have lived in the city (not a big one, didn't love it) where I basically lived and worked and breathed the university library and archives as a student and research assistant. I was even in charge of a small college library in one of my former positions. I have tutored literacy and English as a Second Language at various local libraries and I'm here to say that the safe, welcoming space of a local library is essential to making connections between the literate and those who need assistance. If not for the local library, where will the working person who needs help with their English meet a literacy tutor? At a noisy coffee shop?

When I worked as a life skills and employment support worker for a developmentally delayed young lady, the library was one of our favorite stops because it was a place where she could access the computers, flip through her favorite magazines and check out books that we used in our weekly lessons. The local library is a place of inclusion, empowerment and learning.

More recently, the local library has been a lifeline for me as I navigate writing a weekly column in the local newspaper. I check out books to research much of what I write about, and I encourage my readers to visit the library rather than spending their money on books they can ill afford (it's a frugality column, and though I want to support writers as well, my advice is from the saving money standpoint).

More personally, the library has been a place for me to teach my kids about literacy, community, responsibility, diversity and public service. We use the local library almost weekly. Monthly, for sure. We attend the craft and story mornings and we visit to borrow books and movies. This teaches them to look after someone else's property and keep track of deadlines and respect rules. When we go to the library my kids see people of colours, religions and economic backgrounds they are not familiar with. This is a good thing. We see people that are out of work, using public computers in a determined quest to better themselves. Without these public spaces, where would all of this activity, learning and mingling of cultures take place?

In a world where we are increasingly afraid of each other, how are two farm kids going to be exposed to people that are different? And will they grow up to believe that different is bad, strange, scary or dangerous?

I write a column in the paper about making lifestyle cutbacks to counter the loss of work and wages that many local people have endured in the last several years. I am a firm believer in examining your spending, tracking it, and making painful, uncomfortable choices to bail yourself out. And I can see that the Saskatchewan Government feels it is making those same types of choices when it cuts funding to libraries. But I would ask, on behalf of the people who are out of work, who have possibly lost their jobs and homes and have reduced their cell phone bills and internet bundles, where are they going to go to look for work, improve their resumes, or read a book rather than give in to despair?

With an accountant's eye, one might look at provincial libraries and see a non-essential public service that can be pruned or, in the case of Regina and Saskatoon, eliminated completely (the Province cut all funding to the two largest city libraries, leaving it up to municipal taxes to support those major city libraries). But what will the ripple effects be throughout small communities who have only been able to remain open a few mornings a week? What about the town where we used to live, which only has a k-gr 8 school with no library, whose students traipse across town once a week to the tiny library we used to visit? Will that town lose its library, and thus the school lose its library as well?

If I recall correctly, that little library was only open 10 or 15 hours a week. But it was the community hub in a town of 200 or so people. There were kids crafts, a book club, a place for the town and surrounding farm families to borrow books. It was a place where a tired, depressed new mom went to connect with other grown ups. And it helped immensely.

I want to do something to raise awareness of what's happening. I also need to really sit down and read what the exact situation is. For now, I 'm wondering if anyone out there has ideas what Saskatchewan can do to protest and turn this around. If you are a resident of Saskatchewan, there is a letter writing campaign you can join. Please pass it on to like-minded people.

 Save Saskatchewan's Libraries

Please leave any suggestions you might have in the comments!

Going Whole Hog

A question that crosses my mind quite regularly is whether or not it is "worth it" to grow my own food, heat with wood, bake my own bread, make syrup from sap and the list goes on. Admittedly, there are days where it would certainly be easier to pick up what we need from the store rather than wait for it to grow or fix it, mend it or do without it. But there's something about quick and convenient that just doesn't set right with me. It seems somehow wrong to allow my kids to think everything comes easy, because in real life it doesn't. I am cautious about handing them everything they want as kids because I want them to adjust to adult life and be productive hard workers. Basically, I want them to see how long it takes for fruit to grow on a tree and experience how much better it tastes when you have watched it ripen. That's an analogy we could apply to many things we do around here.

There is something deeply gratifying about eating a meal you grew entirely on your own. Or foraging for native berries and having the time to visit the beach before going home. Or breaking bread that you baked yourself and enjoying it with homemade butter and jam made from the berries you picked that day you played on the beach. That is not to say that everyone needs to make their own butter to lead a fulfilled life! Mostly I mean slowing down to do some of the tasks that are often hired out. Blue berries from a store, air conditioned comfort, prepackaged life.

The money saved by doing these quiet, contemplative tasks is often negligible. By the time I buy the flour and yeast and work to bake the bread I may be money down, depending on the price of the flour. But what of my sanity?

What price do I put on teaching my sons age-old skills that, should they need them, will allow them to feed themselves no matter what they decide to do with their lives? When they learn to care for animals, haul the water, provide the shelter and feed, they think about a world bigger than themselves and their own wants. When they pick the berries and eat the jam they value the labour that goes into their food. When they stack the wood they learn to plan for tomorrow and use their bodies for useful tasks. They have all the space they want to run in, play in, grow in, and that is indeed priceless.

My friend had my kids over to decorate pumpkins with stickers. Since my own pumpkins didn't grow I planned to bake them down for making pumpkin bread. The pumpkins sat until I finally needed to get them out of the garage. I was busy and had a messy kitchen after a long tiring day. I wondered if it was worth it to bother. But why would I compost 4 perfectly good pumpkins then turn around and buy canned pumpkin at the store?

pumpkin puree

While supper cooked, the pumpkin bakes in the oven and I had the whole mess cleaned up by the time the kids were ready for bed.

pumpkin seeds

 We also enjoyed the roasted seeds very much. I ended up with 5 and a half Ziploc bags of puree, enough for 10 loaves of pumpkin bread. At around $3/can I saved $15, had a lovely visit with a neighbour while my kids played, and taught my kids to use up what might go to waste. Instead of spending money, I spent some time preparing local, chemical-free food.

Similarly, we recently had our pigs butchered. At different times this summer I really regretted venturing into pigs. Hauling the grain for them was time consuming and laborious and keeping their water clean and fresh was a chore I didn't love. I had to ask my mom to do my chores while we were away in the summer, which was quite a bit, and I hated to add to anyone's work load. Basically, the pigs were a lot of work but they were entertaining and they ate our kitchen and garden waste along with a couple tons of grain that I hauled here pail by pail from my parent's farm. Let's just say that when the job was finally done I wanted to have as much to show for it as possible. So I rendered the pig fat into lard.

back fat trimmings

fat, chopped and rendering in slow cooker

rendered fat, unfiltered 

our own lard, from our own pigs

Not everyone is going to render down their own pig fat. I giggle even as I type the words. But I do a lot of baking and my sister in law likes making pastry. Canola oil went up to $9/gallon last winter. I expect I'll end up with about 6-8 pint sealers of lard by the time I'm done. This is all by-product that might have gone to waste. At $2/lb I could much easier go buy Tenderflake at Walmart, where I saw it just this morning. But that's not my point.

Living a simple, frugal life is about more than saving $15 on lard. It is about taking yourself out of the consumer transaction whenever possible. It might actually be more frugal to feed the fat trimmings to the dog and buy lard at the store, I don't know. But living an invested life means doing the work ourselves to prevent wasting what we have on hand. If there are saskatoons growing roadside my kids and I are going to pick and freeze them for winter rather than get berries at the grocery store. When butter is $6/lb we will buy the cheaper whole cream, make our own butter and bake with the buttermilk. I am lucky that I have the time to cook and bake and mend and grow things. I know not everyone has that option, and not everyone would choose this lifestyle. That's okay too. You should follow your arrow. My arrow seems always to lead me to a simple, quiet path where everything takes longer and is just a little less convenient.

There are certainly times that I curse my penchant for homegrown. There were many days I said "never again" as I lugged heavy pails of grain to those pigs. I am planning a post on the actual cost of raising the three pigs and, on paper at least, it was probably not a money-saving venture. The next time we do it (if we do) we will have to butcher pigs ourselves to save on the considerable cost of processing the animals. But, again, these would be skills that allow us to learn and invest ourselves and save money. In a way, jumping in with both feet, or going "whole hog" is the best way to learn every facet of what we are interested in. And we seem to be interested. Learning to slaughter and process our own animals is the next logical step in our progress here. For now, we are just going to enjoy the food and be proud that we did a good job and made it through to the harvest.

Weekly Column: New School Year, New Spending Plan

(Obviously, there's been a delay between my writing this for the local paper and my actually posting it here!)

New school year, new spending plan

Do you know exactly how much income your family has available every month? Do you know, within a few dollars, how much of that will be spent? Many people will answer “all of it” but might not know where all the money goes. If you are one of those people, creating a spending plan will help you track those dollars and also let you hang onto them for a lot longer.

Budgeting fatigue

Just like the word diet, talking about budgeting gives people a negative outlook as though they will be forced to sacrifice all the things they enjoy. Saving receipts and doing math might feel like one more nasty job at the end of a long day. But it is worth it to find out where your money goes every month. Use your bank statements and credit card bills and track all the cash spent by family members for a couple weeks (a month is better). Try one of the great budgeting resources found online: https://moneymentors.ca/home-budget/ (this one puts all your expenses in a pie chart) or www.gailvazoxlade.com/resources/interactive_budget_worksheet.html . Find a template that works for you and get started.

Budget vs spending plan

Once you know how much money comes into and leaves your household in a month, and you can see on paper whether you are coming up short, it is time to make a plan. The Money Mentors website defines a budget as “a spending plan that helps you get as much as you can from each dollar”. Seeing your expenses listed on paper can point out waste and unnecessary spending that might otherwise go unnoticed. Use a budget as a tool to cut excess costs, saving money for the things you want. It might not happen in the short-term but with hard work and persistence you will get there.

Write a list of some things you would like to purchase: a new vehicle, a house, a family vacation. Perhaps you would just like to build a small and large emergency fund for your family’s peace of mind. Put a dollar figure on each of your goals, then turn to your interactive budget worksheet and look hard for places to trim your spending. Remember, you will need to tackle outstanding debts, particularly credit card debt, before you get to the fun part of saving for your goals. But if you can free up even a few extra dollars a month, it will help get you where you want to go.

Easier said than done

If you’ve been underemployed for some time it must get frustrating to be told to budget better and everything will be alright. But making a plan and sticking to it gives a sense of control in uncertain times, which helps morale and prevents getting into a deeper hole than necessary. There are so many reasons to start tracking your money, one of which is only four months away: Christmas (no one wanted to hear that, sorry!). If you are out of money at the end of the month now, December will be no different…aside from the additional spending, that is. But if you can set aside some money every week starting now, hopefully you will avoid going further into debt with Christmas expenses.

And then there’s hot lunches

If you have school aged children then you’re familiar with unexpected and urgent last minute requests for money for sports, crafts, the list goes on. Have you made room in your plan for these unforeseen costs? Avoid derailment--factor a small amount of cash for school expenses into your budget even if it means going without your drive thru coffee every day. Focus on your long-term goal—a vacation, a massage, being debt-free—no matter how big or small your goal may be you’ll only get there one small step at a time. If certain costs are inevitable you must factor them into your list of expenses or you won’t see the results you are hoping for.

No matter what you call it, a spending plan or a budget, this is the way that people get themselves out of debt. Do you know a family that seems to weather every storm with relatively little change to their simple lifestyle? Do they still manage to have a vacation and pay their bills although their income has taken a hit? Are they independently wealthy or, more likely, do they plan how their money gets spent every month? Do they foresee upcoming and unexpected costs and save for them in advance? If you think that family would be comfortable discussing how they handle their money, approach them for tips and advice. Treat the new school year like a new beginning and start planning for the costs that are just around the corner.

Weekly Column: Is your young adult ready for the real world?

Is your young adult ready for the real world?

Many young people are looking forward to leaving home in the next few weeks. Having graduated high school, they’re embarking on the next chapter in their lives: post-secondary education or the work force. Many may have already experienced working at a part-time job. Perhaps mom and dad encouraged them to save, discussed finances, opened up an RESP and have made sure their child is literate with money. But there are young adults out there who’ve never been taught to set aside money for necessities, emergencies, and the future—before spending on entertainment and “stuff”. Do young people read the paper? If they do, this column is for them!

Most people admit they have some regrets in their financial pasts. Whether it is not saving for retirement or a bad credit situation, these regrets can add stress to your life for a long time. Ensuring your children have an understanding of how credit works and illustrating for them how their savings will grow over the years is as much parenting as teaching them to cook and do laundry. Basically, you know your child is going to be an adult with bills and payments and income. Is that child equipped to make good decisions that benefit her future and will she have security as she sets out in the world on her own? There are some ways you can help.

moneymentors.ca

Money Mentors is an Alberta based, not-for-profit credit counselling agency. It aims to help families and individuals recover from financial crisis and move forward in their lives. They offer credit counselling, money coaching, retirement planning and teach financial literacy and, best of all, it’s free! Their site offers free online resources on a number of topics—debt management, choosing a credit counselling agency, organizing your finances, to name a few. They can teach you to set investment goals, write a home budget, or roll down your credit card debt. They offer free online courses like Budgeting Boot Camp and R & R Retirement. There is a course on this site for everyone if you have a computer and a few hours to dedicate to your financial well-being. If you can’t immediately get to the free courses, go to Resources on the top of the page and find Free Online Courses there.

Budget now, profit later

The Money Mentors site is intended for people in every stage of life, do give it a look—you are bound to learn something that helps you reach your financial goals. For the young adult today this site is a convenient way to review some money basics that might not have felt relevant while they were living with mom and dad. But the decisions they make in the next few years can either haunt them or benefit them for a long time to come. We could all heed the advice found on the site: 

1) track your spending 

2) automate your savings

3) save loose change 

4) learn to comparison shop 

5) avoid spending triggers

6) consider buying used 

7) save windfall income 

8) institute a waiting period before you buy 

9) consider the cost in hours you will work to pay for it 

10) be content with what you have.

Credit crisis

Many stores make credit seem so easy. 0% down, no payments for 6 months, we’ve all heard the appealing ads. It’s a great deal if you know for certain you can pay the whole bill off before you are charged the exorbitant interest after 6 months. A nightmare situation for a young person is buying their electronics on such a plan, heading off to university where they find they spend more money than they planned on social life and miss their first several payments. Now they have student loans, consumer debt, possibly no job, and a few years ahead of them where these credit issues are going to snowball into a problem that effects whether they can buy a house, start a family, and ever feel secure. Contrast that with a young adult who knows how much money they have available to them every month, pays the bills first, stashes a bit for emergencies or savings, and lives simply on what’s left over.  

It's never too late to learn

Sites like moneymentors.ca are refreshing to find in an online world where everyone is selling something. If you have been struggling to make ends meet it is worth your time to try a free online course and read through the resources there. Make reading and learning about financial fitness part of your routine and the good habits are sure to follow. If people starting out in life can get the financial knowledge they need before making poor decisions, who knows how far they can go.

Are You Sure Martha Done It This Way

Maybe it is this time of year, as the garden explodes and we attempt to make magical summertime memories for our kids at lakes and fairs and parades, but something about July always leaves me rocking wide-eyed in the corner with my arms wrapped tightly around myself.

Oh, at the beginning of the month I have a plan. I have THE plan. My weeds are mostly under control, thoughts of mulch and bountiful harvests dance through my head and I plot inviting the neighbours, all of them, to BBQ and bask in the beautiful space that is this yard.

Then somehow, every July, there is a flurry of travel and cabins and camping and laundry (oh! the laundry!) and when I glance back to the yard, the garden, the rugs, the wind is knocked from me as the reality of all that I have to get done once again takes me completely by surprise.

We have had approximately 7 inches of rain this month. This is unheard of on the prairies. I am a farmer's daughter and I will refrain from complaining about the rains that just keep on coming but
I.
must.
confess.

as thunderheads gather every evening I do feel a curl of hysteria rise in my chest and I have been seen lately sitting at the window with a maniacal smile pointing to the garden that is now completely overgrown with vegetation (both the wanted and unwanted types) and I wonder when, if ever, I shall get the time and a break from the rain to get control of my yard and life.

 I am hosting 4 extra boys for a day and night on Wednesday (do wish me luck that there are no broken bones) and next week we start a week of swimming lessons which will invariably bring an ear infection to my poor 6 year old who is plagued by them.

I am so lucky, so very lucky, to know myself well enough to know when I must, must have a break. It came today, when Husband drove company back to the airport and my sons went to gramma's for a sleepover. After two weeks of company and a flurry of travelling and sight seeing, tonight I got to pull weeds for an hour uninterrupted by rain or kids. And I realize how cathartic my garden is, even as it's riotous growth makes me a bit squirrely with to-do lists. My garden is a reprieve from people, noise, expectations, obligations, appearances, extravagances. My garden just is, and I need that. A lot.

Not every mom has to get home to feed the pigs or can't go on a hot vacation because it is lambing time. These are choices that I have made, and all for the right reasons. It isn't always convenient to have animals and live tied to a piece of land. I realize that I am much more Waylon than I could ever be Martha, and I am so, so okay with that.

And Then My Phone Fell Into The Pool

There are many times that I look around myself in perplexity and ask "what do I want to teach my kids in this situation?". The past week has certainly been one of those times. It feels like the hits just keep on coming.

It all started with a sick ewe (we have four female sheep bred to lamb any day now). Unfortunately, she gave birth late in the night to two little ones that didn't make it. She seems to be recovering, and we are grateful for that. In the meantime I bought a bottle fed lamb to put on her, hoping that she would accept it as her own. That hasn't panned out and it seemed to have been affecting her recovery so I have changed plans and bottle feed little Minnie instead. The only thing more cute than a baby lamb is children feeding one a bottle :)

So far one other ewe has lambed unassisted and her little baby seems to be okay. I thought he was sucking on his own but he got somewhat weakened before I realized he wasn't finding the teet on his own. Such a learning curve. Although I have grown up around animals and listened to farmer talk all my life, doing is certainly different than planning and reading. There is no substitute for experience in most things, and in caring for animals in particular! He is getting the hang of things but I still go out several times a day to make sure he is getting his mama's milk.

Sadly, in amongst the bottle feeding we had a bunny rabbit up and die out of the blue. Such a tragedy for a child to lose his first pet. We have no idea what went wrong with Bingo, except that we put the two in their own separate side-by-side hutches and the little guy quit eating and died before we knew anything was amiss. Funeral arrangements are being made as we speak.

We have had unusual heat and wind. We had a few days in a row of 28C, which for May is unheard of. The spring wild fire season is getting more intense every year and the city of Fort McMurray, Alberta, has all but burned to the ground. Almost 90,000 people have been evacuated and most if not all have lost everything. It's difficult to comprehend. Although "Fort Mac" is not that close by distance, it is a community much like our own in the it is largely driven by the oil and gas industry. The people there had already faced challenges and it's hard to imagine the scale of their collective loss. In a devastating accident, a 15 year old girl and her cousin died in an accident while being evacuated. Unfathomable.

All in all, a week like this really put things into perspective. At the first sign of trouble with the sheep I began to question my ability to care for these animals and thought seriously about giving it all up. But some calls to the vet, help from a farmer brother and the ever-ready support of my mom and Husband have helped get us through a rough patch and much, much learning ensued. It's an analogy that can be applied to most any situation. When things look bleak, and they sometimes will, you have to search inside yourself for a reason to keep on. For me it is always, always to show my kids resolve and perseverance and steadfastness. I will not always be there to guide them but if I can I will leave them an attitude that will get them through hard and scary times. I was uncertain what to do so I called for help. In the future I will be better prepared because of this experience.

As we see communities and families reaching out to help each other in their hour of need there is a lesson in it for my kids and myself as well. Where there is darkness there is also light. Sometimes you just need to be the light yourself and share it with those around you.

PS there are no pictures with today's blog because in the heat of a windy day my lawn chair tipped over and spilled my cell phone into the kiddie pool out on the lawn. I must say, being unplugged from it has been refreshing and I only get another because it is more convenient to text with Husband when he is away. But the lack of distractions and yahoo-news-time-wasting has been sweet relief. I vow to leave the new one on a shelf except for designated times where I check for urgent messages. Life is so much better without being tied to a gadget.

A Garden in Every Yard

Edited to add: This is another weekly column :)

A Garden in Every Yard

So you are home more these days…perhaps you are looking for hobbies to pass the time but are realizing that a new hobby can cost quite a bit. Or perhaps the high cost of produce has you wondering how you can reduce your grocery spending while continuing to eat healthy. Have you considered a garden?

my very first garden ever

During both world wars, “Victory Gardens” were encouraged as a way to feed the population at home and free up trucks, boats and trains for shipping goods and weapons to the troops that needed them. Whether the small city gardens contributed much to the war effort is a matter of opinion (farmers were already growing most of their own produce, and many still are) but undoubtedly they boosted morale and taught a generation to grow their own food—something the area could still benefit from today.

It’s Not Exactly Free

It could be argued that gardening won’t save you that much money. If you have a south-facing balcony you could have some containers but the pots and soil will cost you. Garage sales, kijiji and second hand stores are a less expensive way to find pots and gardening supplies. You can direct sow seeds or visit a locally owned nursery to purchase seedlings, or purchase an edible mix already planted for you. If you have a yard and an area that you would like to convert to garden space, ask neighbours on the block if anyone is interested in rototilling a spot for you. Whenever possible, barter and trade to find a mutually beneficial reward for labour. If you happen to have a tiller and the time, you might consider doing some tilling for hire but find out where phone lines are buried before you start. Although any other lines should be buried deeper, you might want to “call before you dig” if you decide to relocate fences or start working on a water feature!

Plant A Row

If you are already a gardener, plant a row for the food bank or for friends that would appreciate some home grown food. It would be very generous to offer some of your garden space to a family that would like to have a garden but doesn’t have a yard, but do this very carefully. The idea of a garden might sound thrilling in spring but, when the flies and heat set in and the real work of weeding and maintaining the space become a reality, you may find yourself doing all the work so that weeds don’t go to seed in your garden. 

Discuss your expectations and set some “ground rules” before you agree to such a plan. Although a risk, there is also the possibility that you can help someone learn to grow their own food and develop a lifelong love of gardening. They may go on to help feed themselves and many others with the knowledge that you share. That is a huge contribution to your community and one that should be commended.

Depending on how you go about growing your own food, you may not notice a bunch of savings (at least in the first year). But by endeavouring to grow some of your own food you are removing yourself from the consumerist trend where people are too busy working (and playing) to know where their food comes from. Gardening is a distraction from other costlier pastimes. Rather than a weekend of shopping, clear a spot and get to work. Many people find gardening relaxing, and good exercise. It is also a way to afford organic food, and composting your vegetable scraps eliminates waste. The fresh air doesn’t hurt, and it is entertaining to watch for plants sprouting up. Sunflowers, pumpkins, beans and peas are especially rewarding for little gardeners to grow. Teach your kids that they can grow their own vegetables—it might encourage them to eat more green stuff!

Gardening is a hobby that leads to a healthier and, often, more frugal lifestyle. Visit the library to learn more, and shop locally to source your seeds and plants. Visit local u-picks and greenhouses and take a stab at a 100-mile diet. Learn to prepare freshly picked food, and preserve your harvest whether by fermenting, drying, pickling, freezing or canning. Use social media to share the excess or donate to the food bank. Take this opportunity to learn new skills and visit neighbours while you work outside. Notice how you feel after time spent working in dirt as opposed to a day at a desk under fluorescent lights. Although it might not be for everyone, and to each their own, gardening at home might be the hobby that keeps you busy, entertained and fed all at the same time. Can’t complain about that :)

Local Families Are Seeing Some Changes—Daddy is Home!

This is another weekly column...For the sake of a wider audience I feel I should explain that it has been the norm for many local families to have one parent or the other work on jobs that take them away for weeks and even months at a time. Parenting at a distance can be hard, and returning home when no one is used to having you there can also cause stress. Many people are now unemployed and thrust into a home life that functioned without them and the adjustment can be difficult. This column was meant to gently remind couples and families (in 800 words) to support each other and find things to do that won't add to the stress by costing money.

Families affected by the recent slump in oil prices are seeing their dynamics change. While at one time fathers of young children were out of town for extended periods, a set schedule, or even just regular hours every day, many are now experiencing unemployment. In some cases, mom has returned to work and there is a role reversal happening. For others, both parents might be home and struggling to get used to being together 24/7 when they are accustomed to being apart. The loss of income is stressful, as are the changes happening in homes all around us.

Faced with unemployment, many families with preschool aged children no longer need the day home or daycare that their children once attended. Rather than being away most of the week and having exciting weekends together, people are adjusting to the hum-drum of being together most of the time, and having to do so on a budget. None of these suggestions are meant to insinuate that dads aren’t already doing these things for their families, or that it is only men that have been laid off. Anyone caring for children can use some fresh ideas to keep them busy. If you are new to “stay at home parenting”, here are some things to keep in mind:

• ·         At one time or another you probably wished you could be home to be more involved in raising your kids. Although not ideal, this is still an opportunity for you to be the parent you aspire to be. Stay positive, be present, and get actively involved in your child’s life!
• ·         Dads, it is not emasculating to provide childcare, meals, do the shopping and cleaning for your family. It may be hard to adjust, no one could argue that, but stepping up to the plate when called upon—no matter the job that is asked of you—says more about your manhood than how much money you used to make. Treat this as an opportunity to learn new skills and your family will love and appreciate you for it!
• ·         Moms and kids, don’t forget to be appreciative and tell Dad he’s doing a great job. Approach this new lifestyle as a team and help each other through the rough patches. If you have patience and a sense of humour you will make happy memories together—if you give in to frustration and impatience, you will quickly see that behaviour reflected in your child’s.

Whether it is mom or dad at home, if you are not used to spending the day with children it can be overwhelming. Here are some suggestions to help the day run smoothly:

• ·         Within reason, keep the routine similar to what it was before you took over. If kids are used to a snack, craft, story or nap at a certain time, providing these will give a sense of continuity and that “everything is going to be okay”.
• ·         Include the kids in some household chores—do not park them in front of the TV and expect to have a hassle-free day.
• ·         Get outside whenever possible, especially if tantrums are becoming a problem. Always react calmly and with love--easier said than done! —but remember that you are the adult and must show the child the proper way to act.
• ·         Make a plan for the day—even if you don’t stick to it and even if there’s not much to do. It helps to feel motivated if you have a few activities planned.
• ·         Get together with other kids. Meet at the park or check out the great free programs on local town websites. Don’t forget the library where there are stories and crafts 3 mornings a week and games 1 Saturday a month. Search online for schedules and more activities in the community.
• ·         Practice gratitude. Talk about the best thing that happened today and what you are most grateful for. Your kids might be worried but can not express how they feel. Reassure them; let them know that you will eventually return to work but that you are looking forward to the extra time you get to spend together now.
• 
  
  

Families come in all shapes and sizes and kids can be a handful even when everything is going your way. Throw in some added stress and it can become a hard job. If you are struggling, ask for help. No one should judge you for trying to do your best for your family. Try to schedule some time for yourself and time as a couple to get a break, and get involved in the community. Try to find the positives in this gloomy situation—hopefully you can work together to develop a new, happy routine. Join me next week for some great “free” activities to keep the kids busy!

How Much is Really Enough?

I was sent a link to a great article the other day. I hope you have a moment to read it and think it over. It echoed many of my own sentiments about children and "stuff" and even made me question some of my own attitudes towards what is sufficient and what is excessive--whether it be lifestyle, possessions and most definitely the expectations of the young. Because remember, the two year old who is used to having the flashiest and fanciest gear eventually becomes a 16 year old who understandably expects the same.

We live in the countryside near where I grew up. I have many relatives in the area, most of whom are still actively farming. I am lucky in that there are many families around that buck the consumerism trend and share hand-me-downs, garden produce, budgeting ideas and best of all, down to earth ideals. If I was surrounded by materialism and felt the pressure for my kids to "measure up" I might not find it so easy to maintain a simple, frugal life. That is not to say that the pressure doesn't exist or that I don't sometimes give in. I used to worry a lot when other kids would come to play here because we don't have the fanciest toys. That is, until I saw 5 town kids show up and have the time of their lives catching grasshoppers in yogurt containers for hours on end. That's when I realized that kids are kids and they need to think up their own entertainment sometimes. I remember those being the best times together when I was young. I was pleased to hear, recently, about a nearby town where the children never tease each other about their appearance or possessions. If all there is at the park is a broken down pink bike, even the older boys will hop on and ride it. These are not the rich and trendy kids, you see. These are the kids interested in having fun together who, thank goodness, can see beyond brand names and labels and status symbols. So how about you?

When I think of what I want my kids to have "enough" of, I immediately hope they are always getting enough fruit and vegetables, enough time outside, enough exercise. Do they do enough to help out, are they kind enough, am I a good enough parent? Conversely, I don't want them to have "too much" junk food, too much TV or screen time, or have the expectation that things will always come easy. I think by giving them "too much" it will give them the sense that they will always have everything they want. But what if they don't? How much of a shock is it to a new college grad that can't find work, burdened with debt, used to having every gadget and convenience available? Talk about a rude awakening. I read recently that many people are unable to retire because their children's debts are sinking them.

There are definitely times when I say we have given the kids too much. Every year I swear that next Christmas will be smaller and hear myself complain that "they don't appreciate it anyways". But that is not a fair estimation of my children or anyone's children these days. It's not that they don't appreciate it, it's that they've never gone without it. They've never had one favorite, monumental toy because we've been able to give them more, and more, to excess. In one way, we've deprived them of the fantastic joy of waiting and wishing for and finally receiving that one cherished prize, whatever it may be. We equate possession with joy, "stuff" with love and often give toys rather than our time. I wonder what happens when you remove financial transactions entirely. Instead of fleeting excitement that ultimately gives way to boredom, I want my kids to know the pleasure of a job well done, the anticipation and reward of saving for what they want. I'd like them to experience going above and beyond the call of duty to help someone even when there is no foreseeable payment. I want them to get off on doing good things.

This morning I snuggled a lanky 4 year old up in a fuzzy blanket and rocked him for almost an hour when I really should have been busy with other things. It was quiet, I sang to him like when he was a baby, and I tried to memorize each freckle on that adorable little face. Because I know there is one thing that I will never have enough of, and that is time.

Having Fun on a Budget

Another weekly column :)

If you are earning less than usual, or trying to save, you might wonder how a family can have fun without overspending. Here are some fun suggestions for a tightened budget:

• Ladies, organize a clothing swap where friends bring some gently used clothing to trade. Not the same size? Add purses, scarves and shoes to the swap. Have everyone bring a favorite appetizer or beverage and make a nice girl’s evening out of it. The same can easily be done to swap kids clothes, toys or sports equipment.

• Couples, do you have trusted couple-friends that would like to do a baby-sitting trade? Have a couple babysit for you and enjoy an evening out together. Then return the favour so your friends can do the same, saving both families the cost of babysitting. It is important to spend quality time together as a couple even in stressful times like these.

• Are you treating yourself to a meal out? Instead of a main course, order soup or an appetizer to save, or share the daily special between two plates if you are not too hungry. Don’t order a drink or a side of gravy--on a meal for two these items usually add almost $10 to the bill. Even though you may be counting your dollars closely, reward great service with a tip. Wherever possible, send some positive energy into the universe and hope that it comes back to you.

• You may be considering cancelling that gym membership or ditching the fitness classes in order to save a little money. Before you do, ask yourself what the physical activity is doing for your peace of mind. Exercise is known to be a stress reliever. If your fitness regime is what keeps you sane these days, find other areas to cut in order to keep it. It might be tempting to stop everything and hunker down to curb your spending, and that may be your reality. But try to keep a good physical routine going whether it costs or not. Get a video and exercise at home. Find a buddy to motivate you. Take yourself outside and walk as much as you can.

• Are there crafts and hobbies that you are interested in but have never had the time? Dig out the knitting needles or paints or tools that you have forgotten about. Don’t have a hobby? What are you interested in? Put out a call on social media to see what people are getting rid of—you might be surprised what comes your way for free. Try not to invest a bunch of money in starting a new hobby, but do look for new pastimes that will enrich your life. Always check online for coupons before you plan to shop. Get your kids involved in a new pastime and make special family memories together.

• Do you remember when people used to go visiting? Interacting through social media is not the same as the real thing. Call up a friend you haven’t seen in awhile and arrange a potluck, a drink, a play date or a walk. Introduce yourself to the neighbours.

• If you are looking for positive ways to spend your time, take an affordable class through local learning councils or organizations. Become a volunteer at one of your community's worthy charitable organizations. Enrich your life and the lives of others and realize that a simple, community-minded life is very fulfilling.

• Rather than planning a trip this summer, or heading to the city to shop for the weekend, plan a “stay-cation”. Look at the local attractions as though you are a tourist. Visit the museum, go swimming at the local pool, have a meal out or try to some exotic recipes at home. Yes, you may spend money but it is a far cry from what you would spend on hotels (never mind flights) if you left home.

• If you are travelling, packing your own snacks and drinks whenever possible can save a lot. Get a hotel room with a mini-fridge and coffee maker and keep easy breakfast and lunch options on hand.

• Spend time rather than money. Notice the difference in behaviour when you have a family games night with your kids, versus a shopping trip or the sensory overload of more extra-curricular activities. If you don’t have board games, check out second hand "thrift" stores for some gently used puzzles and games. Check out the library for activities, borrow books and read together. Borrow a DVD or tune into Netflix for a family movie night. Pop your own popcorn and turn out the lights. Create some excitement for your kids and they will learn to appreciate the one-on-one time.

Every year I take my kids to the free Children's Festival in a nearby town.
You have the option of packing your own lunch or eating at a booth there.
I do believe we had to purchase tickets for the bouncy castles,
but an otherwise affordable way to give them a "fair" experience. 

Be creative and relieve stress with some frugal fun this spring!

Let's Keep It Real This Easter

Another weekly column :)

The holidays can cause stress if you don’t factor their cost into your budget. More and more, families buy gifts for their kids on special occasions—look no further than Facebook for displays of piles of toys and candy for most holidays. Many people are feeling the pressure of “keeping up” to these expectations, especially when kids compare their loot at school. It can be hard to explain to little Timmy why his friends got new bikes from the Easter bunny and he only got the usual foil-wrapped chocolate eggs. Comparison is indeed the thief of joy when there are so many ways to see what others have and are doing. Parents, if you have had to cut back on your spending and it bothers you to see how others continue to shower their family with gifts and treats, consider taking a break from social media over the holidays. Not only will you rediscover spare time and be more present and in the moment with your family, your focus will be on enjoying yourself and not worrying that you haven’t provided enough for your kids. If you are spending time together, visiting, playing, having fun and making happy memories then you are providing everything that is needed! Your kids will thank you for spending time instead of money.

Maybe you are used to making a large event out of every special occasion. Even if you are still able to do so, consider your neighbours and friends who can’t afford it this year. Where you might normally get your kids their summer sporting equipment and give it at Easter, why don’t we all wait a week and give it because it is needed and leave the holiday out of it? It’s just not fair for kids to wonder why every holiday is a competition to see who got more.

Rather than a bunch of gifts, plan a treasure hunt with clues and a few chocolate prizes, or useful things like toothpaste, socks, used books and games. Make up certificates for “one day free of chores” or “dad makes your bed for a week”. Make it fun and take the focus off “stuff”! Another idea is to explain to your kids that money is tight for many people these days. Take them to the grocery store and allow them to pick out a few items for the food bank and remind them that Easter is actually about sacrifice and giving to others.

O holding a baby chick last spring

But even if you try to keep it simple, holidays like Easter can stress the monthly budget. Are you hosting a big meal? Have you got company for the weekend? How will you feed and entertain without going overboard?

Begin by buying extra groceries in advance, watching for specials of course. A menu-plan is very helpful in making sure you have frugal meals planned and enough food on hand. Ask if your regular grocer will be selling turkeys at a reduced price or giving them away with a minimum purchase. Ask at another store, and another, until you find the best deal. Watch the flyers for other deals on meat—if you are feeding extra people this is where you can try to save the most. Call your local butcher shop and see if there are any deals to be had. The same goes for libations if you like to partake in a holiday toast. Watch the flyers and buy ahead of time. Leaving your shopping until the last minute can often mean spending much more.

If you are hosting a large group, a potluck is a great way to even out the work and expense of the gathering. Frozen or canned vegetables are often cheaper than fresh—think seasonal when filling your holiday buffet. Turnip, cabbage, carrots, and potatoes stick to the ribs and you can often buy day old bread at a reduced price to make your own stuffing. Better yet, start freezing any dry bread that you might otherwise toss out and by Easter you will have enough for your own dressing. Hunt for recipes and videos on how to prepare a holiday meal from scratch.

Don’t forget to make good use of holiday leftovers. Freeze extras for future casseroles and soups, and use that turkey or ham in lunches. You have worked hard to prepare the food, don’t let it go to waste!

Hopefully this Easter can be a holiday where families return to simple pleasures like homemade food, time together and helping others. Use Skype and Facetime to reach family at a distance and don’t forget the local aged and shut-in who need a visit over the holidays. This is an opportunity to teach children that giving, even if it is only our time, feels much better than receiving.

Teaching Kids to Handle Money

I don't spend much money on my kids. They have healthy, homemade food and a huge yard in which to explore and play. Their grandparents in Newfoundland usually send them money at Christmas and with it we have purchased a trampoline and a swing and slide set. When we go to stores my kids are taught not to grab things and not to ask for things. Our regular grocery store gives a free cookie and our water store gives out suckers. These are treats that they look forward to each week. My kids have 2 rabbits, 2 cats, a dog, and four sheep to care for. They help feed their animals but on the coldest days (and most mornings) I do the chores myself as, frankly, it is often more work getting them bundled up than it is to run out and do the feeding. Now that the weather is warmer they have been helping with more of the outside work.

The boys now clean their dishes off the table after a meal (and they always thank the cook for the meal and ask if they may be excused!) but I really want to teach them responsibility and the sense of accomplishment that comes from completing a task. It is also important to me that they learn to handle money responsibly. I realized lately that pinching pennies doesn't actually accomplish anything unless you then budget the money you have saved and keep track of where it is going. I would like my kids to figure this out for themselves before they are almost 40 with a mortgage and kids to feed!

Enter a chore list and weekly allowance. I have been told and have read that paying an allowance is the best way to teach your kids to handle money, so I'm taking a leap of faith here. I cannot express to you how counter-intuitive this is for me. My instinct is to deny them money, ever, and teach them to get used to doing without so that when they are older they will know how to deny themselves the instant gratification of "stuff" and "gadgets" and consumerism. But it does make sense to me that never trusting them to make decisions with their own money will not teach them good spending habits, nor will it give them a sense of pride and value in work and reward. So I started a little chore system a few weeks ago and I must say I'm happy with how it is going.

6 year old: clear table after meals, wipe out bathroom sink daily, put boots/shoes
in closet before bed and put all craft supplies away.

4 year old: gather all dirty laundry from bedroom and put in laundry room, sweep kitchen floor (I have to change this one before he knocks someone's teeth out), gather all mitts and toques and put in closet before bed, and tidy couch cushions before bed (they are usually piled on the floor in a fort of some kind)

With regards to teaching my kids responsibility, I confess that I mostly want a more effective means of getting them to help out. They are usually quite helpful but it sometimes comes down to shouting and threatening consequences to get them to do as they are asked. They are always, always, happier and better behaved when they have a purpose and some structure to their days. So I have hatched a plan to give them each a chore sheet to be completed every day (four simple tasks each as they are 4 and 6 years old). They can put a check mark by the task when it has been completed that day. After 7 days of completed tasks they each get 2 dollars, a loonie (a Canadian dollar coin--ridiculous name, I know!) for their piggy banks (which is being saved to eventually go into their bank accounts), and a loonie for their own spending-jar which they get to spend as they wish.

The "spending as you wish" is going to be a challenge for me. I do not want them hauling more made-in-china plastic junk into this house. But I have already made suggestions like saving to go swimming at the pool (very attainable at $3.50 each. If they do their chores nicely they can go swimming once a month!) or a movie at the theatre. I think the theatre is too loud and too expensive, but it is a great treat to go with daddy to see a new movie. So although in all my frugal tips I mention having movie nights at home, I also want to stress that saving for those occasional treats not only makes them more special but it can be part of a healthy budget. Being frugal doesn't mean being a drag!

Their decorated money jars :)

I admit that I've struggled with the decision to give my kids an allowance. I don't want to teach them that they don't have to help out unless they are being paid. I very much want them to be the type of people that pitch in whenever they can. They routinely pick up toys, help with cleaning, dusting and sometimes vacuuming. They quite often help fold clothes and they always put their own clothes away. I could have made any of these the chores that they are paid to do--my goal, really, is for them to learn that when you agree to do something for money you must do it or you don't get paid. And if you do have some money you must learn how to use it wisely. It is a win-win because now I am budgeting for their allowances rather than trips to the swimming pool etc. I budget $4/week and they must budget from there :)

I really want it to become part of my kids' routine to tidy up as they leave a room either after a meal or before bed, rather than leaving it for someone else (me!) to do! I'm finding it very pleasant to have the porches tidy and the cushions where they should be when I come down for tea after the kids are in bed. Those are tiny details that show pride in our home and make me feel more organized and on top of things. As the kids get older I will add more to their chore lists (I can't wait to have them hauling wood into the basement for me, except for the thought of how much older I will be when that happens!).

So what do you think? I am interested in opinions on this one, as I can really see it from both sides. I don't want my kids to feel entitled and be spoiled and expect money for everything they do. On the other hand, I don't want them to expect to go to the pool or theatre and not realize that it costs money and money means someone has worked for it...I'd like to know what other parents are doing as far as allowance/chores go!