Tuesday, 9 April 2013

NorthWest of 35

If you are now looking back on an age you once thought of as "old", you are not alone. I have to smile at the way I used to feel sad on a birthday, as though that milestone only highlighted my lack of accomplishments. I am now 36 years old and finally, finally, I feel confident enough to embrace my quirks and individuality rather than trying to blend into the background.

When I was a kid I remember hearing adults say they "wouldn't want to go back" to a certain age. I suppose I wouldn't either. There are sure alot of things I wouldn't do over again if I had the chance, but in that hypothetical scenario I might not end up where I am now. I couldn't take that chance.

I'm not sure what really got me past the awkwardness I've always felt: it could be age but I think for me it is having kids. I want my kids to grow up with confidence in themselves, therefore I must have confidence in myself. To show them how to be good men I must articulate myself clearly, be fair, assert myself, show forgiveness and a level head. Those are not the traits of the self-conscious twenty year old I once was. In that sense, I'm glad that I had my boys a little late. I had to grow up so that I could grow them up, so to speak.

This year, on my birthday, I think I will celebrate by thinking of a few accomplishments I'm so proud of: namely my relationship with my Husband and my two wonderful boys. I am enjoying being myself, pursuing what interests me, learning what I want to know, and building a lifestyle that will bring us continued happiness and security. I'm less concerned about what people think and more concerned about what my children will learn from me. My youthful fear of rejection has blossomed into an attitude of acceptance of others. I want others to be themselves so that I might safely be myself and there is no time like the present. To be healthy, to have a healthy family, to have a friend or two that will have your back no matter what hits the fan, that is a fortune to cherish. I suppose breakfast in bed wouldn't hurt anything either ;)

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